Tag Archive for Frustration

Clenching And Gripping

Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort.  The natural position for the hands is loose and relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions.

Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort. The natural position for the hands is loose and relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions.  A smile, in this case, indicates stress, not happiness.

Clenching and gripping are signals of frustration and restraint. They are very different then the relaxed palm in palm gesture discussed in a previous chapter. A classic gripping posture happens when the hand opposite reaches behind the back and grabs the wrist of the opposite arm. We know it shows frustration because it serves to relieve tension through gripping, an energy displacement mechanism, and serves to show restraint because the hand is gripping the arm in effort to prevent them from striking out against another person.

Gripping, especially intensely, helps us feel more relaxed because the pain releases pleasure hormones and adrenaline. The same could be achieved through more constructive mechanisms like running, exercise, or constructing something useful, but like all forms of body language, the solutions come from an archaic part of the brain through evolution (or accident), so we are not interested in doing constructive work at a time when our minds are dealing with stress. In other words, we just want a quick, immediate fix for the anxiety, and wringing the hands helps sooth and pacifies us without having to leave the area. Most minds deal poorly with stress and can’t function normally without dealing with the source, so the last thing we want to do is leave the area in which the problem has arisen without a solution. Wringing the hands is a gesture that is seen in people the world over. At times the fingers may become interlaced appearing as if in prayer, which might even be the case. Pressure can be so great that the fingers can even blanch as blood flow is impeded.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves.  It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety.  People who resort to 'cutting' also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Pacing is a classic full-blown signal of anxiety, and falls into the same energy displacement category because it gives us something to do and burns extra calories in a trickle to make us feel more relaxed. Clenching and gripping are ways of signaling that a negative thought or emotion is being held back. A more intense hand gripping posture happens when the arm grips higher up near the elbow or upper arm. The higher the grip, the more frustration is present and the more self control is expressing. Clenching and gripping postures occur anytime stress and anger is present, such as waiting to see a doctor or dentist, awaiting bad news, or during conflict.

Another form of clenching that shows emotional restraint happens with the hands in a raised position instead of being hidden behind the back. This form of clenching appears as if the hands are being rung out by each other, as we would a wet article of clothing. Smiling does not negate the gesture either, and even alludes to a greater than normal tension. Smiles when accompanied by wringing, are called “stress smiles” or grimacing. The hands can be held in front of the face, resting on the desk or lap or when standing, in front of the crotch, but once again, the higher the clenching appears the more prevalent and obvious is the tension.

Hand wringing allows us to 'control' our pain and discomfort - it gives us an outlet.

Hand wringing allows us to ‘control’ our pain and discomfort – it gives us an outlet.

The hands and feet are key places to verify anxiety and will be the usual suspects in betraying emotions. They move easily and freely from the rest of the body and can be used to burn energy and release stress anxiety without requiring the body to move large distances. Because they can be moved independent of the body, they also tend to leak information more readily. Therefore, to read anxiety carefully watch for tapping toes or fingers, or feet that move frequently or never seem to find a comfortable position as well as any other repetitive behaviours. Foot movements will show more restraint than hand movements especially if someone is trying to hide their fears from others.

Jaw clenching.

Jaw clenching.

Clenching and gripping can have many other forms as well, including clenching the jaws tight or even talking through the teeth, cracking knuckles, pulling the hair or even plucking it, pinching one’s self, and clenching the fists by turning them into a ball. In my observations of other people, I have noticed some peculiar emotional behaviour that includes the grotesque such as squeezing pimples to plucking nose hairs to more damaging and extreme behaviours such as hitting the head and scratching called “self harm” but can include any other painful and repetitive behaviours serving to sooth emotional stress.

The more astute will notice tension from something so minor that most won’t even notice, and the carrier of which, will have no conscious awareness. That is, sitting in an awkward position, or rather, sitting in a less than fully relaxed position. This cue tells us that they won’t and can’t permit themselves to take on a more relaxed position because they should be doing something else more pressing or useful. Perhaps watching television isn’t of highest priority when one weighs the importance of a report or an essay for school, that the house needs tending to, or family time has been ignored. Notice a fully relaxed position for a person over time, and then note when they aren’t holding it, then you’ll know something isn’t right in their minds! Identify the pattern, call them out on it, and then look like a genious!

The Military Man

The 'military' or 'regal' stance occurs when the hands are clasped behind the back.  This high confidence posture was made popular by royalty.

The ‘military’ or ‘regal’ stance occurs when the hands are clasped behind the back. This high confidence posture was made popular by royalty.

The “military man” sometimes called the “regal stance” when carried by royalty is a posture that occurs by placing the hands, palm in palm behind the back openly exposing the chest, usually accompanied by chin up and out, and head held back. The hand gripping the wrist or upper arm in behind the back sends an emotional message of frustration and an attempt at self control, but forms no part of what is said by the military man. Usually the feet of the military man are splayed outward so as to take up more space and dominance, which is opposite to tibial torsion when the toes point inward to signal submission. When the feet are turned outward, they indicate that a person is upset, being threatened or is threatening others. When it comes to the feet, the wider the feet are spread the more confrontation is displayed since when people ready to fight, they wish to carry a more balanced stance to avoid getting knocked over. In other words, legs will never be crossed during confrontation for the simple fact that it becomes much more difficult to escape an attack or fight a battle. Subconsciously our brains know this well, so won’t permit it. Likewise, as people become less agreeable their feet will become more spaced out. Therefore, as a way to reduce tension during conflict, adopt a less splayed posture, or even keep the legs crossed showing a lack of desire to compete.

The military man posture is reserved almost exclusively for dominant individuals, leaders, and those of high status and others who expect little or no challenge whatsoever of their authority. It is popular among lawyers, doctors, university professors, policemen or high ranking military personnel such as sergeants. Those in the military can be seen competing within rank by ever increasing leg splaying. It can also be found in (over) confident store clerks, oddly enough, who parade their booths during slow periods presumably seeking someone to commerce with. Power is nearly the exclusive meaning delivered by the posture as it exposes the full front of the body to possible attack; even invites it with an extended pointed chin. The message is also one that says “Don’t come near me, I’m important and I shouldn’t be touched!” The Queen of England and Prince Philip are noted with this body language due to their high rank and importance.

A challenge to fight - the chin pops out tempting our opponent.

A challenge to fight – the chin pops out tempting our opponent.

Boxers learn early on to tuck their chins down to protect it, as it is the easiest way to produce a knock out, opposite to the military man. The chin blow is so devastating in combat because when the jaw is hit hard enough with the right technique, it slams directly into the temporal mandibular nerve producing shock. Not to mention the fact that hard punches sloshes the brain violently around inside the skull cavity which can lead to internal bleeding and swelling. The wiring-our nervous system, is very complicated and also interconnected so a blow to one nerve can send shockwaves throughout the body. This nerve in particular, while vulnerable, also controls the lips, sinuses and digestion among others. Hitting it hard and suddenly is effectively like putting the body into sensory overload causing it to suddenly shut down. In fact, successful boxers want what is called “good chin” or the ability to repeatedly endure blows to the head and chin without passing out. The military man, on the other hand, is one who dares someone to attack their chins by making it an overt target. He says, “Go ahead take a swipe, see what it gets you in return.”

Other times, the military man posture is intended to show a readiness to be open an inviting, although it fails in this regard. We’ve all avoided the eerily empty mall shop whose underpaid employee or distraught owner paces to and fro with his hands to his back. One has to wonder if the empty shop is the cause or effect. Does the body language repel customers or does the body language come from being repelled by customers? I suspect the latter, but this represents my body language bias. Naturally, the clerks would be served well to drop the posture altogether and instead offer something more welcoming.

Police use the military-man posture to put their confidence on display. They know their uniform, badge, and the law they serve, protects them from challenges. School principals and teachers who want to set a strong first impression can also be seen touring their territory with their arms to their backs. My high school principle, in retrospect was mild mannered and quiet, he used his posture to show others he meant business. The next principle, much younger and green, faired far worse in maintaining order. He used his mouth far too often to try to set his tone which merely invited attacks. Evolutionarily speaking the military man is a strutting posture and so it can preemptively avoid potentially harmful physical show-downs between rival men. Other possible root origins stem from its concealment properties. In other words, a spear, knife or other makeshift sharp object might be cocked at the ready to be sprung on unsuspecting challengers – you’d never know, so why risk it! If you had no other choice, would you physically jump a confident looking authority figure or the man hunched over who avoids eye contact? In other words, sometimes the military man posture makes great sense.