Tag Archive for Drinking Glasses

Comfort and Discomfort Body Language

by  • March 6, 2013 • 1 Comment

Comfort on the left side of the image, discomfort on the right.

Comfort on the left side of the image, discomfort on the right.

We have covered many signals of comfort and discomfort throughout the book and have even eluded to their use in lie detection. To simplify things, I wanted to take the time to cover the cues we can use to detect lying as it relates to comfort and discomfort. We have seen how open and closed language can signal a desire to allow access to the body. Ventral displays shows that a person is open and trusting of someone and this sort of response is difficult when we feel we are hiding emotions. Comfort is displayed through proximity and people do this by moving their torsos closer or leaning inward rather than away and will remove objects that impede their view so as to establish more intimacy.

Comfortable bodies open up and spread out.

Comfortable bodies open up and spread out.

Comfortable people will hold their bodies loose rather than rigid, and their body will move with fluidity. They will gesture with their speech instead of freezing instantly or awkwardly, called “flash frozen.” Sometimes people will slow to catch their thoughts, but this will be obvious to the body language reader and will come at appropriate times and in context when thought is actually required to produce accurate answers. Comfortable people mirror others around them instead of avoiding synchrony. Their breath rate will be similar and they will adopt like postures instead of showing differences.

Bodies show discomfort by increased heart rate, breath rate, sweating, a change in normal colour in the face or neck, trembling or shaking in the hands lips, or elsewhere, compressing the lips, fidgeting, drumming the fingers and other repetitive behaviours. Voices often crack when under stress, mouths might dry up producing noticeable swallowing, “hard swallows”, or frequent throat clearing. Liars might use objects as barriers. They might hold drinking glasses to hide parts of their face or use walls and chairs while standing to lean against to gain support. Liars might engage in eye blocking behaviours by covering their eyes with their hands or seem to talk through them or even squint so as to impede what is being said from entering their minds. The eyes might also begin to flutter or increase in overall blink rate showing an internal struggle.

Drumming fingers, fidgeting, kicking feet and so forth are burning off nervous energy - discomfort.

Drumming fingers, fidgeting, kicking feet and so forth are burning off nervous energy – discomfort.

We’ve hit on the fact that stress creates nonverbal language such as preening to show detachment from a conversation (picking lint), energy displacement gestures such as scratching the body or rubbing the neck or wiping the side of the nose. Palm up displays show that a person has some doubt, and indicates a desire for other to believe them while palm down displays show confidence and authority. Microexpressions can also be particularly revealing since they happen instantaneously and subconsciously. Watch for movements that happen first especially if they are negative in nature as these are more honest than positive body language. Positive language is used by people to appear more in control and polite instead of appearing vulnerable. Fake smiles are an excellent example of an expression that can sometimes be put on to appear to disguise stress. We know smiles are faked when they seem to last for much longer than what would be considered natural.

Lack of touching, or touch reduction also signals discomfort and a divergence of ideas. When people’s ideas differ they find it hard to come close to others as part of the natural fear response. Head movements that are inconsistent with speech such as slightly nodding affirmatively though making a denial or vice versa, or delaying head nodding until after speech is made such that speech and gestures lack synchrony can give liars away. When gestures are done out of sync they tell us that a person is adding the gesture on as support for their statement. The entire affair appears to be out of the normal order of flow in communication which liars can often do. When affirmative nodding happens during denial statements such as nodding “yes” while saying “I did not do it” usually happens very subtly, but is obvious to the conscious observer. Keep in mind while reading these cues that they do not indicate lying per se, but rather indicate discomfort and stress. The job of the body language reader is to decide why a person is stressed. Are they stressed because they are being put on the spot, because they fear being mislabeled, or because they are actually telling lies?

Nervous Hands

by  • March 6, 2013 • 1 Comment

Nervous hands clasp to steady.

Nervous hands clasp to steady.

A telltale clue to nervousness is when the hands begin to shake. Since the hands are designed for fine motor control, they are easily affected by a surge of adrenaline stimulated from stress from nervousness or excitement. Any stimulus, good or bad, can stimulating the muscles in the hands to fire out of control creating quivering. The limbic mind driven by fight or flight response is what causes hand shaking which makes the nonverbal cue particularly honest and predictive.

As mentioned even positive events can create shaking, such as an excellent hand in poker or seeing someone we have a deep crush on. Hands more often than not however, will quiver when bad things happen that send us into a fear response such as preparing to take the stage to present in front of an audience, being in a serious car crash or swerving to avoid one at the last minute. When in any sort of confrontation, we can also experience hand shaking. To decide what sort of stimulus, be it fear or excitement that it causing the quivering one doesn’t have to go much further than context. From there, it should be obvious why someone is shaking.

A hand-to-mouth gesture used to placate nervous hands.

A hand-to-mouth gesture used to placate nervous hands.

To disguise handshaking, some people will grasp at objects such as drinking glasses, will clasp their hands together or occupy them with “busy work.” Other times people will steady their uneasy hands by grabbing the hand of a relative, cupped them hand-in-hand at the chest, or thrust them underneath the armpits or in pockets. People who suffer from pronounced handshaking will develop elaborate ritualized gestures to keep their hands from being noticed. They will play with the arms of eye glasses, twirl pencils, or fidget with clothing. To others it will go unnoticed because they will appear as a normal part of their repertoire – their baseline.

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Does he always sit on his hands or is he hiding something?

Teenage girls meeting a celebrity pop singer are often seen fidgeting with their hands as they defy gravity by bouncing up and down. Their hands will often be flung sky-high and they clasp together in excitement. This is nervous energy personified and the hands show the limbic system in overdrive. Watch for this “tell” in a poker game as hands might come together underneath the table to steady each other. Hand shaking in poker, however, can be due to either fear of getting caught bluffing or the excitement good hand. In this case, it is a person’s baseline that helps predict which of the two is really happening. Hand quivering is important only when it deviates from a person’s normal repertoire of actions. For example, if hand quivering suddenly starts up or stops when discussing a particular event, we know that event is the root. It will then be our job to decide why the event caused nervousness or excitement. The same goes for any other cue, be it a new person added to a social gathering, nearing the edge of a cliff (fear of heights), being asked a question that is difficult to answer and so forth.