Tag Archive for Displacement

Summary – Chapter 11

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This chapter focused on emotional body language. We began by discussing New York style body language called “displacement behaviour.” We saw that displacement behaviours include actions set to preoccupy in order to dehumanize the outside world – especially in more crowded areas. The list of behaviours included nail biting, gum chewing, grooming, tapping the does, head scratching or playing with jewelry, but can also mean looking and acting ‘out of touch’ or closed off.

Next, “fight or flight” was finally shifted to “freeze, flight or fight” finally putting it into the proper order. Following this was clenching behaviour where we found that actions such as gripping the wrist of the opposite hand in behind the back, or wringing the hands out like a wet article of clothing, are forms of restraint. We also hit on nervous hands and how shaking can tell us a lot about what sort of emotions a person is experiencing.

We then moved onto poor self image and the language that tells. Here we found that auto contacts including stroking the beard, rubbing the hands, tugging the ear, massaging the throat, pulling the fingers, rubbing the back of the neck and so forth, are linked to insecurity since they attempt to provide reassurance. We hit on eyebrow lowering and that when they are permanently lowered by the newly incarcerated it signifies easy prey for existing inmates. Interlaced fingers and palm finger stroking, on the other “hand”, were both labeled as emitted by those with negative thoughts. In the section on suckling and mouthing we saw that the mouth and lips provide a target for tactile gratification to provide comfort. Here we saw that anytime the fingers go to the mouth or lips to suckle, that our target is regressing to an infantile stage, and is trying to regain the security they felt as a child.

We found that compressed lips indicate stress, down-turned smile unhappiness, anger or tension, and lip pursing indicates that a thought, usually negative, is being processed. We found that tongues can depict deep concentration or a cheeky attitude, and that sneering signals contempt, disapproval and disrespect the world over. Ear language was covered next and we learned that ear grabbing refers to “hearing no evil” showing disbelief or an attempt to close off communication by blocking the ears. Hostile body language, on the other hand, was found to be more similar to sexual body language, but only in so much as the body language showed through figuratively onto ourselves when we would much rather inflict it onto others. Examples of such hostile body language included pulling or pinching at one’s own ears, cheeks, hair, or face. Next we covered the sequence by which bodies reject and then how they relax.

We discovered that the neck becomes particularly sensitive under pressure and like the cheeks, it becomes red and engorged with blood when we become nervous. Thus when people are under pressure they tend to touch or cover it so as to pacify. Women also tend to cover their “suprasternal notch” when they are experiencing anxiety. We found that people who don’t cross their legs are generally uncomfortable because crossing significantly reduces the ability to act quickly during confrontation and exit. Next we found that the eyes and the body can block unwanted thoughts and images, that blushing indicates emotion and anxiety, and that asymmetry can show when emotions are faked, gravity defying behaviours means people are happy, and that there are six universal facial expressions. We learned that asymmetry is what tells us honest expressions from fake ones. We also discovered that everyone, no matter how extroverted, requires emotional downtime, that timid people will cocoon and that guilty people will turtle. We also found in this chapter that full body hugs, where the chest and hips make contact, shows sexual intimacy, and that light hugs, where the shoulders touch shows friendship. Lastly we covered the “hug-ender cue” or the “tap out” that tells others that the hug has run its full course and one party wishes to submit. We concluded with a list of additional emotional body language.

Hostile Body Language

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I think she has choice words for you.

I think she has choice words for you.

Hostile body language is similar to sexual body language but only in so much as the gestures are made figuratively to the object with which the action is intended. For examples, hostility can be displayed by pulling or pinching at one’s own ears, cheeks, hair, or face. Figuratively these are actions that the hostile persons wish’s to inflict against their agitator. The gestures are displacement signals meaning they allow for the release of hostile thoughts through peaceful means that avoid (for the time being) direct physical conflict. In evolutionary terms, the gestures serve as overt warnings that a more damaging and dangerous bout might ensue, but offers a last ‘out’ which is the nonverbal display, before things escalate.

We might see foot jabs against the leg of a chair, against the floor or other object. A fist might be repetitively pound against the table with emphasis, or the classic fist to palm punch with some verbally threatening language such as “I’m going to smash your face in.” When something is being pounded, the object is a substitute for the foe’s face and the punch itself is a form of displacement of emotion and energy. The pounding gesture is a more aggressive form of warning more likely to be done by men, whereas women might show less aggressive and more subtle gestures such as biting, sucking or chewing a lip or the inside of the mouth. As conflict approaches the combatants will begin to size each other up by directly facing each other, the fists will be clenched, breathing rate will increase and the chest will puff out to seem larger and more intimidating. Snarls will come from the faces of men whereas women carry have dirty looks to scold their enemies. Other signals include strong and persistent eye contact, glaring through unblinking eyes, turning red in the face and neck, cracking knuckles and overt stretching.

Keep in mind that these signals are obvious and rarely mistaken for other signals and should be heeded for what they are; an early warning system! Ignore them at your peril!

Clenching And Gripping

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Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort. The natural position for the hands is loose and relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions.

Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort. The natural position for the hands is loose and relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions.  A smile, in this case, indicates stress, not happiness.

Clenching and gripping are signals of frustration and restraint. They are very different then the relaxed palm in palm gesture discussed in a previous chapter. A classic gripping posture happens when the hand opposite reaches behind the back and grabs the wrist of the opposite arm. We know it shows frustration because it serves to relieve tension through gripping, an energy displacement mechanism, and serves to show restraint because the hand is gripping the arm in effort to prevent them from striking out against another person.

Gripping, especially intensely, helps us feel more relaxed because the pain releases pleasure hormones and adrenaline. The same could be achieved through more constructive mechanisms like running, exercise, or constructing something useful, but like all forms of body language, the solutions come from an archaic part of the brain through evolution (or accident), so we are not interested in doing constructive work at a time when our minds are dealing with stress. In other words, we just want a quick, immediate fix for the anxiety, and wringing the hands helps sooth and pacifies us without having to leave the area. Most minds deal poorly with stress and can’t function normally without dealing with the source, so the last thing we want to do is leave the area in which the problem has arisen without a solution. Wringing the hands is a gesture that is seen in people the world over. At times the fingers may become interlaced appearing as if in prayer, which might even be the case. Pressure can be so great that the fingers can even blanch as blood flow is impeded.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to 'cutting' also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Pacing is a classic full-blown signal of anxiety, and falls into the same energy displacement category because it gives us something to do and burns extra calories in a trickle to make us feel more relaxed. Clenching and gripping are ways of signaling that a negative thought or emotion is being held back. A more intense hand gripping posture happens when the arm grips higher up near the elbow or upper arm. The higher the grip, the more frustration is present and the more self control is expressing. Clenching and gripping postures occur anytime stress and anger is present, such as waiting to see a doctor or dentist, awaiting bad news, or during conflict.

Another form of clenching that shows emotional restraint happens with the hands in a raised position instead of being hidden behind the back. This form of clenching appears as if the hands are being rung out by each other, as we would a wet article of clothing. Smiling does not negate the gesture either, and even alludes to a greater than normal tension. Smiles when accompanied by wringing, are called “stress smiles” or grimacing. The hands can be held in front of the face, resting on the desk or lap or when standing, in front of the crotch, but once again, the higher the clenching appears the more prevalent and obvious is the tension.

Hand wringing allows us to 'control' our pain and discomfort - it gives us an outlet.

Hand wringing allows us to ‘control’ our pain and discomfort – it gives us an outlet.

The hands and feet are key places to verify anxiety and will be the usual suspects in betraying emotions. They move easily and freely from the rest of the body and can be used to burn energy and release stress anxiety without requiring the body to move large distances. Because they can be moved independent of the body, they also tend to leak information more readily. Therefore, to read anxiety carefully watch for tapping toes or fingers, or feet that move frequently or never seem to find a comfortable position as well as any other repetitive behaviours. Foot movements will show more restraint than hand movements especially if someone is trying to hide their fears from others.

Jaw clenching.

Jaw clenching.

Clenching and gripping can have many other forms as well, including clenching the jaws tight or even talking through the teeth, cracking knuckles, pulling the hair or even plucking it, pinching one’s self, and clenching the fists by turning them into a ball. In my observations of other people, I have noticed some peculiar emotional behaviour that includes the grotesque such as squeezing pimples to plucking nose hairs to more damaging and extreme behaviours such as hitting the head and scratching called “self harm” but can include any other painful and repetitive behaviours serving to sooth emotional stress.

The more astute will notice tension from something so minor that most won’t even notice, and the carrier of which, will have no conscious awareness. That is, sitting in an awkward position, or rather, sitting in a less than fully relaxed position. This cue tells us that they won’t and can’t permit themselves to take on a more relaxed position because they should be doing something else more pressing or useful. Perhaps watching television isn’t of highest priority when one weighs the importance of a report or an essay for school, that the house needs tending to, or family time has been ignored. Notice a fully relaxed position for a person over time, and then note when they aren’t holding it, then you’ll know something isn’t right in their minds! Identify the pattern, call them out on it, and then look like a genious!

Displacement Behaviours Protect Us In Public

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Stroking an object or object caress (context specific) can be a way to sooth a person when in public. In a courtship setting, an object caress spells interest.

Stroking an object or “object caress” (context specific) can be a way to sooth a person when in public. In a courtship setting, an object caress spells interest.

Immediately upon leaving our homes, the place where we feel most comfortable, we begin to exhibit what is called “displacement behaviour”. Displacement behaviour is a coping mechanism that helps protect us emotionally from the outside world. The citizens of New York and other busy cities make for classic examples as they work their way through the city streets expressionless. The rest of the world sees these people as rude, despondent, miserable or unhappy but in actual fact it is completely normal and even constructive. Our public body language shifts subtly the moment we leave the door. Our faces show less emotion, it becomes more ‘pan faced’ as we if hiding our thoughts and inner feelings from others. City slickers immediately identify country folk. They make eye contact with strangers more often, and might even issue smiles, and nods at others, that is if they aren’t completely overtaken by fear and distraction. Making contact with others is normal for country folk. They come from an area where they know most of the inhabitants and therefore don’t fear public social interactions. Displacement behaviour is a stone-age protective mechanism. In our evolutionary past, had we encountered a group of strangers or a “city” of strangers, it would be in our best interest to internalize our fears and emotions so as not to betray our position. Our position is naturally fearful due in large part to being vastly outnumbered by what could be a potentially violent clan. We also wouldn’t want others to know that we carried valuable trade items, or were weak or scared. Therefore, our faces show a default position; no emotion.

Burying yourself in a book or listening to music through headphones are two great ways to retreat from the public eye so as to go unnoticed.

Burying yourself in a book or listening to music through headphones are two great ways to retreat from the public eye so as to go unnoticed.

Displacement behaviours also show that we aren’t interested in interacting with others. You can test this for yourself by approaching people on the street looking for directions, for example. When you approach them it will take a second for them to snap out of their trance, if at all, before they notice that you are talking to them. They might even ask you to repeat what you have said because their mind had been “switched off”. Sometimes they even refuse to snap out of the trance at all and simply shake their head in a “no” type fashion from side to side, before continuing. We know people are in this type of trance because their body language become more self-focused. We pull our arms and legs inward, our face will become defocused, seemingly looking through people, and our body motions will become more minimal so as to avoid drawing attention to us. We may even become completely immobile and take on protective postures.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous energy.

Nail biting is an oral fixation that replaces thumb sucking and allows the body to burn off nervous energy.

Another version of displacement behaviour happens when our minds are preoccupied with an emotion. When our home life begins to bother us when at work, our faces become emotionless as our minds drift to this more immanent problem. Our bodies display this detachment in various ways. For example, we begin to remove imaginary lint, play with a watch or pen, look away or become distracted, repetitive tapping of the fingers or foot, avoiding eye contact, rubbing the hands together, pinching an eyelid, smoothing clothing, rotating a wedding ring, nail-biting, or sucking a finger or pen. These all indicate a hidden thought linked to anxiety. The word displacement, in this fashion indicates that one is trying to avoid the task or issue at hand, and is instead, busy themselves with an activity that is much less taxing. Another form of displacement behaviours include sitting slumped over, with a glazed look endlessly staring at the floor or a spot on the wall.

Sometimes displacement behaviours are used to avoid conflict with others and those taking part would rather not be in the situation. To avoid conflict, they appear busy and preoccupied by doing other things. Displacement behaviours can also include gum chewing or nail biting, grooming, tapping, head scratching or playing with jewelry. It includes any behaviour that is out of place and serves the purpose of removing one’s self from the situation or topic at hand. We all understand when someone tries to “change the subject”, this is the same thing, only it is accomplished silently.

Introduction – Chapter 11

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A universal facial expression - Anger.

A universal facial expression – Anger.

Emotional body language is a charged topic because it essentially defines people. When we talk about emotions we talk about what motivates people which includes but is certainly not limited to fear, anger, sadness, timidity or shyness, disgust, and happiness. Emotional nonverbal communication is present everyday, and in many forms, and can reduce conflict before it starts, or identify weaknesses that can be soothed or taken advantage of, depending on the particular desires of the body language reader. Before dispelling outright the desire to exploit, remind yourself that in most cases, there exists some degree of competition or cooperation in all of life, which is frequently only differentiated by matters of degree, type and more importantly, outcome. Thus, if one wishes to formulate mutual agreements through cooperation, or feels compelled to assist those who are at a disadvantage, they should welcome and read the body language just the same. In other words, read emotions to discover underlying insecurities or happiness in other people and do with it as you please, but also be aware of your own signals since it will give ammunition to others that can be used against you. Sometimes these cues end up in the less that charitable people around you such as predators. This makes knowing the cues important in displaying victim type body language to avoid appearing like an easy target, and not just to criminals, but to salesman, potentially abusive spouses, and children looking to take advantage of our goodwill.

In this chapter we will cover many topics including displacement behaviour which includes any nonverbal signal meant to quell anxiety due to encroachment on personal space. As we learned previously, personal space and territories play an important function in our lives, however, these zones are frequently breeched when in busy city streets and other public areas. We also cover how the fight or flight mechanism plays into body language and how the catch phrase is a misnomer because animals and people don’t usually respond in that way, at least not in that order. Clenching and gripping body language is also covered. We’ll see how the aforementioned is an important subset of body language since it reveals inner tension and how, and perhaps more importantly, why, nervous hands shake and what it all means to poker players. We will even discover what sort of body language indicates that a person has a poor self image, the role eyebrows play with respect to the emotions they convey, what interlaced fingers that rub together and palm finger stroking mean, and how suckling and mouthing turns us back into babies. Next we cover why compressed lips and lip pursing aren’t the same, nor do they mean that someone wants to kiss. In fact, coupled with the down-turned smile they all mean negative thoughts are being passed around in the mind.

This chapter also covers a smorgasbord of other emotionally charged cues such as how tongues show concentration and cheekiness, the sneering of the nose, what ear grabbing means and hostile body language in brief, since it was extensively covered previously, and how rejection takes place in sequence so we can run when we see it, or emit it when we wish to repeal the boring! If rejecting is too pessimistic for you, what follows is how relaxation is made evident through body language. Neck and nose body language is hit on next which become particularly sensitive under pressure and tends to require frequent touching or covering so as to produce feelings of comfort through protection. Blocking is also dealt with which can happen through various forms, such as the body or eyes, but each have roots in the fight or flight response. We hit on the colour of emotion including blushing and blanching, as well as gravity defying body language found when people experience joyful exuberance. The six main facial expressions which are happiness, sadness, surprise, fear, anger and disgust are cataloged and described leading into whether or not emotions can easily be faked. We also learn in this chapter that people will take “emotional downtime” frequently throughout the day, laypeople call this “daydreaming.” Cocooning and turtling body positions are described which both point to insecurity and timidity as roots. We’ll also cover how we can tell if people are related or having intimate relations based on how they hug and conclude with the remaining emotional body language.

Neck Rubbing

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He's holding himself back by the scruff of the neck.

He’s holding himself back by the scruff of the neck.

The neck hold, scratch or rub is a response to negative feelings. It is a restraint posture as in “holding one’s self back” as one might do to a wily cat or dog by grabbing them by the scruff of the neck. In this case, though, we are doing it to ourselves. While not a full blown emotional displacement posture it does serve to alleviate the negative sensation we have. Like taking medicine fixes illnesses, and an itch fixes a scratch a gesture treats and underlying emotion. Not until we allow ourselves the opportunity to do the gesture can we treat our underlying emotion. This is what makes gestures and postures in body language so predictive of emotional roots. They are connected.

Touching the back of the neck is not the same as touching any other part of the neck such as the side, which can be used as a filler gesture to pause for thought, or the front which can be used to show sexual interest in a dating context. Scratching the back of the neck, rather, is a primitive gesture, that is a response to arrector pili muscles in the scruff that our body uses to make our hair stand on end. The arrector pili are a microscopic band of muscle tissue that connects hair follicles to the skin. When stimulated, the muscles contract and cause the hair to turn upward and perpendicular to the skin surface, or stand on end. While the purpose of the muscles in humans is vestigial, meaning they are an evolutionary throwaway, they were once used to trap air next to the skin to help keep the body warm. Other uses are for display and competition to make the body appear larger and more threatening. You have probably seen a domestic cat put its hair up when challenged by another cat. In porcupines, the muscles contract to bring the quills up as a defense. As a defense, and for heat retention for people, the purpose of the arrector pili is laughable at best, but our bodies still react to cold and fear, even aggression by stimulating the muscles. A cold chill down the spin and “goose bumps” or “goose pimps” is a reference to the same thing. When we reach for our scruff, we are showing an evolutionary throwaway to a time when our hair would have stood on end!

Neck touching can be a positive signal when it's done in the right context - here neck exposure shows comfort and attraction.

Neck touching can be a positive signal when it’s done in the right context – here neck exposure shows comfort and attraction.

Neck touches are therefore, connected with negative thinkers and restraint. To discover the true meaning of the gesture, we need to look at this cue in context accompanied whatever other cues are present. For example, let’s imagine two men in a bar, one of which is yelling and swearing promising to send him to the next county, while the other, much larger and more muscular wearing an official MMA (mixed martial arts) attire, keeps his distance holding his arm to his neck. What is the MMA fighter doing here, is he thinking negative thoughts, or holding himself back from using his fighting skills to defend himself. I think the answer is obvious. The context tells us exactly what is happening. The neck hold, versus a scratch can be in response to making a mistake and trying to take it back as in “Whoops, sorry, that was stupid of me and I won’t do it again.” The neck rub or hold can be seen when being verbally assaulted by a boss, here what is said is “He’s a real pain in the neck.” Even my nine-month-old son thinks I’m a pain in the neck when I won’t let him do something dangerous! Since he’s just little he can’t reach all the way back, so his arm comes up and back at about ear level when I tell him he can’t do something. If he just laughs, I know he hasn’t really taken me seriously. When that happens I re-iterate my instruction making sure he gives me some sort of retrained gesture or given me eye contact.

Arm Gripping

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Arm gripping is a sign that someone feel insecure.

Arm gripping is a sign that someone feel insecure.

Arm gripping is an arm crossed posture whereby each arm grabs the arm opposite. The hidden meaning it indicates is tension, discomfort, anger or anxiety. This posture shows both negativity and restraint, meaning that a person is fully expecting to face a bad outcome and won’t relax until that news comes and at the same time are holding themselves back from truly expressing their feelings or lashing out. The arms grip each other so they won’t do something regretful. Those waiting for bad news, such as the results from a medical test, or the outcome of risky surgery on a loved one, will carry themselves in this way. Other times it happens as one waits for stressful events or appointments to commence such as seeing the dentist.

It is similar to other forms of self-hugging as it protects the body from exposure and provides comfort, but is also an extreme form of energy is displacement. The physical act of squeezing the arms, even to the point that circulation is cut off from the knuckles making them appear white, is a rudimentary form of mental therapy. Just like some people will run, exercise or do yoga, others will throw and break things to blow off steam. Self inflicted pain, such as arm gripping is no different, it just provides an easy, less destructive method to release nervous energy in measured quantities. Arm gripping isn’t always extreme and violent as sometimes it can go completely unnoticed and appear as simple arm crossing. What gives it away is that the hands wrap around the arms instead of resting on one side and tucked under the other.

Summary – Chapter 2

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

In this second chapter we have solidified our nonverbal foundation with the five cardinal rules of body language. First we covered the five basic rules of body language: the rule-of-four, congruence, context, baselining and intuition and perception. The ‘rule-of-four’ says that we need at least four independent, but related signals to reliably read someone whereas congruence says that we should pay particular attention when verbal language and nonverbal language do not match. Context on the other hand, says that we must be mindful of where and how cues develop since they could be confused with other variables and might mean something totally different or nothing at all. Baselining refers to the need to measure a person over time and in different situations before we can accurately predict their nonverbal meaning with any accuracy. The final rule says that we need to be conscious about intuition and perception so we don’t project meaning onto situations based on pre-conceived beliefs. We also covered how the feet are the most honest part of the body, and that coupled with putting presidency on negative body language over positive body language, we will have a greater success rate in reading people accurately.

Aside from these rules we looked at the flow of silent speech, how body language can be less confusing than verbal language, the differences between men and women, how women intuitively read body language and how age affects body language. We also discussed the importance that alpha’s, or leaders play in our lives and how we are either creating social norms (leading) or we are following them, how posture portrays confidence, the importance of ‘haptics’ or touch, in addition to body language as it relates to energy displacement and finally the meaning of fashion and preening.

Body language And Energy displacement

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Tapping a table is a form of energy displacement because it burns extra energy to relieve tension.

Tapping a table is a form of energy displacement because it burns extra energy to relieve tension.

When someone talks about energy displacement and body language they are talking about movements that create relief. Someone that is nervous or excited will find relief in rubbing their legs with their hands called “leg cleansing”, or they might rub their hands together or stroke an object vigorously. Leg cleansing is a gesture that usually goes unnoticed because it happens underneath the table, but an astute observer will see the upper body move serving to give it away. An example of leg cleaning is that of a baseball player that is on deck and getting ready to bat. His hands might be sweaty from the excitement so he rubs his hands on his thighs, soon enough this becomes a habit and he does this every time he comes to bat regardless of whether his hands are sweaty. With repetition he has conditioned himself to seek comfort by performing this gesture. Self touching also produces relaxing chemicals in his body to help him deal with the stress and burns up nervous energy. Self touching isn’t always related to energy displacement although in this case it is. Energy displacement means the same thing as stress motivated energy burning. It is the burning of energy that provides a trickle release that occupies the mind and produces soothing neurochemicals.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to cutting also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Energy displacement isn’t just for athletes, it happens all over the place from the boardroom to the classroom. We see people rubbing their hands together in excitement or wringing their hands showing inner turmoil and in during extreme stress, pacing, or even self inflicted pain such as ear pulling, scratching, or pinching. Energy displacement allows for a controlled release of tension without creating fatigue. Energy displacement is akin to the natural high that is achieved through punishing physical exercise except in this case the endorphin rush comes much less potently but the action still provides a stress reducer.

When a woman suddenly becomes “cold” as a decision gets close in a meeting they might begin by cross their arms and begin to stroke their elbows or forearms. The temperature in the room hasn’t dropping though, what she is feeling is an emotional change creating an uneasy feeling. To sooth herself, she strokes her body and this reminds her of childhood feelings where mom comforted her. A nervous husband who waits outside a delivery room will pace back and forth. His movement gives him something to do and also burns up excess energy. Generally men’s displacement actions will be easier to spot then women’s since they will be more aggressive. Men feel that when something is good, more is better, and take almost everything to extremes. In fact, one of the leading causes of preventable gum disease is brushing the teeth too hard or for too long, and men are often most at fault for this. Women’s postures, on the other hand, will melt into their regular body language and can therefore be harder to spot.

An entire host of gestures can be used for energy displacement and they vary from person to person and culture to culture. Any movement that has no inherent or immediate function and that is done when faced with stress can be called energy displacement. With observation, you can catalog energy displacement cues in family members, friends and even bosses. If you observe energy displacement body language in friends, an appropriate response is to offer comfort, but if it is found in a boss or employee, or during a sale, then it is usually time to back off and give them time to think things over. Allow a stressed out individual some time to reach a conclusion on their own.