Tag Archive for Dating

Tonality Advice For Men

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Communication patterns are often a make-it or break-it moment.

Communication patterns are often a make-it or break-it moment.

As we have seen in a pervious chapter, tonality plays a big part in the meaning and intent of the message being delivered. Speaking in a soft voice can be construed as nervous, especially if words are so quiet they are misheard. When in groups containing new people, it is very common to speak quietly to direct your conversation to specific people you are more familiar with, however this can and will alienate others and serve to isolate you further. While in a group, therefore, don’t be afraid to address everyone and save private conversations for later. Whispering, which is an entirely different ballgame can actually bring women closer and create sparks, so is fair technique to explore. As tonality pertains to dating and attraction, it is important to hold a strong voice and use projection to carry it to your audience. Speaking too loudly can come across as forceful and arrogant though, so try to balance your speech to your location and audience, as well as the surrounding noise.

As mentioned earlier, women find men with voices that are deep sexy and it is possible to lower the breadth of your voice with practice. Even keeping it monotone will make it seem deeper and sexier, although a lack of enthusiasm will likely out-weight the benefits. Calming and slowing the voice can also deepen it and these techniques can be perfected when practiced. Naturally each one of the techniques for voice lowering can appear forced and awkward, and in most cases, the voice can only be lowered by a few degrees, but this might be all that is required to bring a high pitched voice down to an acceptable medium.

Another aspect of voice is projection. In nightclubs where talking is often difficult at best, you might consider extending the length of words and phrases, so they are better heard. Men should never pass up an opportunity for closeness, and as mentioned, whispering is a great tool to accomplish this. A “hey, let’s get out of here, it’s too loud to talk” makes for a good exit strategy once a connection is formed. Regardless of the situation, a well projected voice communicates strength and confidence.

Men should also be mindful of nervous laughing and long bouts of monotone speech, which can be a killer for women. Men should avoid getting overly excited, but should also not be afraid to liven speech with gestures and some changes in pitch, to show that they have a pulse, and that their life is at least somewhat exciting. If men find themselves in conversation with an unwilling participant, they should change gears or change partners, this is what makes body language so powerful, since it eliminates the need to second guess interest. Having read the cues to sexual interest at the beginning of this chapter along with interest in general covered throughout the book, it should be plainly obvious what others are thinking about you.

Proximity, Pointing And Touching

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Proximity indicator of interest.

Proximity indicator of interest.

Proximity plays a huge factor in dating and anything done to decrease space between tow people is a good signal of attraction. Sometimes, closeness is real, for example a woman might get up and physically move closer to a man, she might move a chair next to him or she might opportunistically take up a position close-by on a sofa. All cues that are important give alternative options to sit. Sometimes too, proximity is figurative such as is the case when women point, or when eyes are cast.

The "pointing knee" happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her knee toward the man of interest.

The “pointing knee” happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her knee toward the man of interest.

If touching was unwelcome, then an accidental touch would result in her hand being pulled away.

If touching was unwelcome, then an accidental touch would result in her hand being pulled away.

Touching escalation.

Touching escalation.

Pointing, like eyeing, are ways to bring people close together without actually moving. Both are reliable indicators of where we’d rather be, or who we are thinking about. We can point with our eyes, our toes or feet, or our knees. The pointing knee happens when a woman sites on her foot and aims her knee toward the man of interest. This is sometimes also a signal of being relaxed and informal which extends the meaning of the pointing knee. Escape is difficult in this position so when done by a woman it means that she is comfortable around whomever she is with at the time. Dangling a shoe is another informal signal of comfort for the same reason. The pointing knee also shows fleeting glimpses to the inner thigh which can be arousing to men. Leaning in or toward, standing next to someone or even isolating oneself from friends all shows interest when done by women.

Touching is another great signal of attraction even if it happens ‘accidentally’. Women will make a point to brush up against men of interest and as we have seen may groom them if they wish to send a strong message. Have you ever wondered if he or she really likes you? Try accidentally brushing a knee or leg up against someone under the table. If they pull away or turn immediately than it’s due to disinterest, but if it’s embraced and “footsies” ensue then it’s an excellent signal of interest. To make sure the signal is anchored try casting occasional flirty eye contact. This is a signal that can be used by either men or women. When outside of a dating context, the same pulling away will be found so this isn’t limited to courtship. People that hate each other like to maintain as much space as possible and even accidental touching is unwelcome.

Leaving a tie un-straightened can give women an excuse to touch and is a great way to measure interest by men. To send a much more subtle signal of touching an object might take the place of a person. Such is the case with caress the stem of a wine glass, ring, watch or car keys. The back of the hand, the neck, the shoulders, or side of the face can also show interest. Self touching is a way to prepare the body for touching by someone else and also indicates what type of touching women wish to receive. Self-touching is a ‘fix’ that is used to alleviate the symptoms of the desire to be touched, and indicates where a women’s mind is thinking.

Tibial Torsion And Shoulder Shrugs To Appear Childlike

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Pigeon toes or 'tibial torsion' is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller form.

Pigeon toes or ‘tibial torsion’ is a submissive posture because it forces the body into taking on a smaller form.

Another word for “tibial torsion” which is the anatomical term, and one we are more familiar with, is “pigeon toes”. “Pigeon toes” refers to aiming the toes and feet inward at a slight angle reducing their outward profile. The opposite of this posture is toes outward called “splay footed” or “duck footed” which is a military type posture and a signal of dominance, but only relatively speaking. Meaning that any body movement that is meant to, or leads to, the shrinking of the body’s profile where less space is taken up is a submissive cue and where more space is taken up is a dominant cue. So relative to having the toes pointing directly forward, which has no meaning, the toes pointing inward and outward, mean submissiveness and dominance respectively. Women in courtships displays, as we initially outlined, take up submissive displays to attract the attention of men. I have classified this in the same department as shoulder shrugs because they are very similar, perhaps not in their appearance, but in their effect. With all submission signals, the net effect is to create a less threatening profile and to appear more childlike.

Interestingly “tibial torsion” is also a childhood condition where there is actual anatomical inward twisting of the shin bones located between the knee and the ankle causing the feet to turn inward. This condition arises due to the position of the baby in uterus, but is not at all what we are referring to with respect to hidden sexual body language. Tibial torsion in a dating context, performed by women who have no underlying anatomical deformities happens for the purpose of making the body appear smaller and more submissive, rather than due to a medical condition. Medical deformities can also apply to the toes as they point outward or duck footed too, and so are not always indicators of dominance per se.

Shoulder shrugs make the outline of the body much narrower.

Shoulder shrugs make the outline of the body much narrower.

The shoulder shrug is another childlike posture and happens when a woman let’s her guard down. It is often subtle and occurs subconsciously as a small raise of the shoulders and sometimes is accompanied by an eyebrow flash. Other times it is more pronounced and the head lowers or bows in unison with the shrug and is held for some time. Some other related cues of interest include shoulders up, shoulders flexed or shoulders back to flex out the breasts. The head tilted at forty-five degrees, as we have seen in a previous chapter, shows interest in what is being said, but as it relates to courtship also shows sexual interest. In fact the head turned at forty-five degrees is one of the most universally recognized courtship signals especially if it is accompanied with a headbow and eyes cast upwards making batty eye contact.

One last cue, and one that is especially potent, is looking over a raised shoulder. Women do this flirty gesture as they gaze at men of interest. Instead of squaring themselves off and looking straight into his eyes, her body faces away and she looks over the shoulder which seductively teases him. This posture emphasizes the curviness of the shoulder and exposes the vulnerable neck. It is particularly alluring when done by women wearing a strapless outfit!