Tag Archive for Body Postures

Closed Body Postures

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Closed body postures, like hands hiding in pockets, indicate insecurity which we subconsciously associate with lying.

Closed body postures, like hands hiding in pockets, indicate insecurity which we subconsciously associate with lying.

Closed body positions, as we know, give off bad signals in general. When in a high pressure situation, closing the body off in any way may lead people to think that you have something to hide. Tucking the chin in, pulling the arms closer to the body, crossing the legs, turning the body away, and taking on a less threatening profile are all attributed to lying. Another less obvious clue to being closed-off, is to subconsciously place an object between the liar and interrogator, such as a book, brief case, or any other “security-blanket.”

As we all know of course, closed body positions like the majority of the signals associated with liars is in fact due to the stress, fear and hence nervousness of the interrogation. When “under attack” we close up our bodies to make it appear smaller and less significant to draw less attention to it, which is a way to protect our bodies in case the interrogation escalates into a physical attack. While most cultures prohibit physical force during everyday encounters, we still have the mental hardwiring that programs us to foresee physical violence, never mind the fact that a verbal threat is just as embarrassing and visceral as any physical confrontation. Threatening language puts our minds at risk to long term emotional damage, no different than being threatened by physical conflict. In our daily lives accusatory situations, verbal threats, and scolding, ranks near the top as far as the sorts of harm we endure throughout our lives. This is why we see our bodies react through body language to emotional threats, as well as to the possibility of being uncovered as cheats and liars.

What To Mirror To Gain Favours

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When people's bodies are out of sink, the differences of opinion are amplified.

When people’s bodies are out of sink, the differences of opinion are amplified.

Proper mirroring is far from the game we play as children. The goal of kid’s is to irritate their opponent with exact copying of gestures even expressions and word, whereas the goal of adults is to formulate agreement and rapport. In adults, necessarily, more subtle mirroring must follow. In the experiments listed above, the researchers set to mirror only those actions which occur subconsciously, those that happen out of normal awareness. Movements such as foot shaking, body scratching, face or hair touching or changes in posture are good ways to start the mirroring process. Your goal should always be to avoid getting caught consciously mirroring someone else since being detected will create negative feelings more so than if no mirroring was done at all. Motions such as leaning in, crossing legs and folding arms can also be used, but must be done with caution since these are much larger motions and can be more easily detected.

Echoing which is like mirroring where similar body postures are replicated, but of which happen sometime later, is a technique that makes the rapport building process more subtle. In echoing, postures and gestures are not concurrent with what is going on with others, but instead happen after some time has elapsed. To be effective, echoing happens within thirty seconds to a minute of separation, but can even happen with several minutes of separation, where only subtle rapport is felt.

Where body positions are fluent, yet echoed, and bodies seem to jive as if in an elaborate dance and where conversation flows smoothly we find “total synchrony.” We say that these people are on the same “wavelength.”

Some ways we mirror with our bodies:

[A] Shifting weight from one foot to the other foot or keeping the weight on the same foot.
[B] Leaning on a bar top or up against a wall or other structure.
[C] Crossing the legs in the same direction or opposite direction when facing each other.
[D] Keeping the legs uncrossed.
[E] Gesturing with the hands similarly.
[F] Drinking in unison or holding drinks with the same hand.
[G] Placing both hands, or just one hand, on the hips.
[H] Leaning in, or leaning out.

Introduction – Chapter 12

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When people "jive," they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.

When people “jive,” they are in agreement and this commonality leads to liking.

Mirroring or “isopraxis” is as important to lifelong friends as to strangers meeting for the first time, since mirroring is a way to test and maintain the level of rapport being established between two people or groups of people. Mirroring as it applies to nonverbal communication describes body postures, body positions and gestures that are held in unison or echoed a few seconds later, across people as they interacting. When full mirroring appears it is as if each person is looking into the mirror and seeing their reflection. When full mirroring happens, it indicates a high level or rapport, or connectivity between people.

We mirror as a form of bonding with one another, and it happens without our conscious awareness. In fact, mirroring is difficult to carry out in a natural way at a conscious level as we will see in this chapter. The evolutionary origins of mirroring might stem from imitative learning, where gestures and movements or skills are passed from one person to another. Children learn to imitate our facial expressions and quickly graduate to imitating our body positions, and then later they imitate us as we carry out tasks. If you’ve even driven with a youngster, you’ve watched them pretend to drive with their arms up, rocking the wheel left and right, or working the stick shift. Imitation has been said to be the greatest form of flattery and in mirroring this is the case.

In ancient times, mirroring would have created group cohesion and identity. Sports groups, riot officers, firemen, and a myriad of occupations all wear the same uniform. It is this dress that formulates the beginnings of the behaviour that eventually leads to a group’s ability to functioning in unison. Imagine if policemen all showed up in different dress and tried to control a crowd. To the rioters, they would seem as if they were rogue rioters themselves which would only exacerbate the problem. The rioters would identify the policemen as part of their group instead of part of the police group, which would only lead to additional chaos.

However, the police know the importance of mirroring, so they arrive with exactly the same gear, dress and comportment. They wave their batons, walk, stomp and chant in unison to display a fortified front. The uniform also serves to identify members of their group and dispel others quickly. A rioter who was able to secure a loose baton wouldn’t last long in the group in the group of police, even if he could adopt the same postures, chants and stomps, because he’d still lack the proper uniform. However, if he could obtain this too, he’d fit right in and would be accepted as part of the group without question. The results of this would be devastating, since his behaviours, no matter how random or unjust, would be tolerated by his “peers”. He could begin to smash windows or beat up other rioters and it would be initially overlooked by his group causing confusion. The uniform, because of mirroring and rapport, provides the rogue officer with additional powers, so he can get away with things that a rioter can not. This extension of power only lasts so long before it would be questioned though, and the same sort of behaviour is present in real life situations as it relates to mirroring. It builds rapport and group cohesion and identifies those that belong to us and fit in with our ideologies, and those that do not. When we are in groups we easily loose our individual mentality in favour of group cohesion. The rioters escalate their terror for the same reason. They are part of a group, identify with it and so adopt similar behaviour.

Mirroring and uniforms do not apply just to the police. In fact, it applies to almost every walk of life, in every office or business across the planet. We act and dress a certain way even when we are relaxing with friends. When we go to concerts we clap, sing, stand, drink and with the right group, listening to right music, may even join a mosh pit with others to slam our bodies together violently to celebrate the music. Mirroring says that we are on the same page. It’s like saying look at the two of us, we walk the same, talk the same and our bodies move in unison, therefore we must agree. Mirroring can cut so deep that breathing, blinking, and even our heart rates can beat in unison. Mirroring is such a profound quality of social animals as a whole. Our cities are built upon our abilities to mirror with row upon row of houses repeating one after the other, all with a small patch of green grass at the front and hopefully a bit more at the back. We all cut it short to make it presentable and to keep up with our neighbours. We compete with others just to fit in and be the same as them. Far from being a bad thing, mirroring creates social order, promotes peace and productivity and leads to cooperation.

Mirroring in rapport building is ubiquitous and serves a purpose but it also finds itself in some peculiar places. Yawning is one of them. Yawning is one of the more pronounced forms of mirroring since it has a contagious element. Yawning in one person sets off a chain of yawns within the rest of a group, even if the members don’t know each other. Picking up a foreign accent or adopting the idiosyncrasies of friends are two forms of subtle mirroring. Full blown mirroring happens when we cross our arms in unison, drink or eat together or even finish each other’s sentences. Twins have been known to connect in such a dramatic fashion that sentence finishing is commonplace and some twins can even begin sentences in unison. Mirroring comes out too in tone of voice, syntax, rhythm and use of pauses. Dancing is another form of pervasive mirroring and without building a connection, dance appear sloppy and uncoordinated. Women might even use it as a selective tool when evaluating potential suitors. If you can’t jive together in a coordinated fashion, can you be expected to raise a family together, what about create a family? Anecdotally, dance has been said to be a reliable predictor of how we perform in bed, so if you prefer a slow passionate dance over a break neck shake, keep this in mind! Let us not leave out facial expressions, emotions and overall mood as a subject to mirroring in others either. This is covered in the pages to follow.

Summary – Chapter 8

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This chapter was focused on dominant and submissive gestures and how they can be used to reach specific goals depending on the situation. One of those goals was conflict avoidance by reducing body size. We found that melting into the background by “sinking in the chair” or pulling the arms inward, pulling the shoulders down and rounding them, hunching in, pulling the chin in and pulling the legs or knees closer together can help to send a non-threatening signal and calm an attacker. Next we looked at how height relates to dominance and spelled out tactics to put ourselves at an advantage be it by taking up a seated position (to level ourselves) or taking to an elevated stage or position. We saw in this chapter that relaxed body language signals ownership and confidence so we should look for a lack of muscle tension, freely moving hands, feet and torso, along with open body postures, to read which people are most confident.

We also found that the head signals nonverbally, for example, the headshake signals a negative thought, whereas the head nod can mean agreement such as in the west or can mean submission or even that a speaker is being heard in Japan, head down represents judgment or a negative thought when accompanied by similar cues in cluster, head tilted shows interest and head back means disapproval.

We discovered that dominant positions are generally also considered open postures and submissive postures are also usually considered closed postures. This theory allowed us to conclude that the chair straddler was both opened and therefore dominant, but also cowardly because the back of the chair formed a barrier from where he or she might throw figurative arrows or spears. We found that legs spread is a dominant gesture and of degree; the greater the spread the more dominant and at some point outright offensive, as in the case of having the leg over the arm of a chair. The full body steeple where both hands are up and behind the head while seated with or without the figure-four leg cross is both confident and dominant, but also depicts a relaxed disposition. We covered that titling backwards in the chair is dominant and casual, having the hands on hips is to imitate a peacock and appear larger and more attractive dominant or in charge, and that the cowboy pose with thumbs in belt loops popularized by old western’s is macho. We learned that the military man who exposes his torso with his hands, palm in palm to his back delineates power.

We then covered the importance of thumbs and how they show importance and superiority, how fences make great neighbours, and methods we display ownership one of which is by breaking social rules or via body language through control of facial expressions. We found that touching between men symbolizes power plays and social jostling, but between men and women, usually signifies sexual interest and that light touching helps gain compliance even from strangers. We also outlined why we should avoid filling our language with junk instead of simply punctuating a point, how talking fast makes us appear insecure or nervous unlike Barack Obama and how low-pitched masculine voices increased ratings of men’s physical and social dominance.

Raising Status Through Relaxed Body Postures

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Leaning back and taking up space is a way to show that we own the joint.

Leaning back and taking up space is a way to show that we own the joint.

It might seem counter-intuitive, but taking on a relaxed position and postures when around others, such as slumping in your chair can be a way to increase your status. This might be opposite to what you would expect given the rules of height and power but slouching shows to everyone that you are comfortable with yourself and don’t feeling anxious by someone else’s presence. By extension, most people will find it difficult to relax when in the presence of higher ranking people. Therefore it follows that if someone shows relaxed body postures, they must be high ranking! Subconsciously, we do think this, although, when we know definitively that we outrank our slouching counterpart, we find them to be brazen and ignorant which fosters more negative attitudes. This can go both ways, and it will be up to you which route you take. Do you want to fit in, or “rock the boat”, so to speak.

Imagine entering your boss’s office because he wants to speak to you about your performance. You promptly sit down, without permission, and slam your feet on top of his desk taking up an ownership (comfortable) position. Without question, he will take offense. The rare exceptions can happen though. Say you are close personal friends on top of your work relationship, or maybe you are of similar rank in the office, say partners. What would happen if instead of putting your feet up on his desk you instead slouch over the arm rest and open your legs? While this isn’t equally as offensive, it will come across as a challenge to your boss’s dominance and put him on edge. In subordinate/dominant relationship relaxed body language quickly upset whatever hierarchy was thought to have existed setting the tone for future struggles which may or may not be your ultimate goal.

When competing with those of equal status, relaxed and dominant body language can help, rather than hinder, your chances of success because it will set you above your competitors without using risky verbal language.

Let’s take another example where the new boyfriend enters his girlfriend’s house, sits down on the sofa, and makes himself at home totally oblivious to her father. The boyfriend has set a competitive tone and if not challenged by Dad, he will continue to experience the upper hand. His relaxed ownership has said to his girlfriends father that he is willing (but possibly not able – this is yet to play out), to usurp his daughter’s interest and therefore take over his role as her caregiver. If Dad is a pusher-over, the boyfriend wins. Smart Dad’s set the rules early and emphatically by polishing their guns in their rocking chairs on the front porch!

As we see, territoriality means everything to relaxed postures. Where appropriate, such as with close friends of equal rank, relaxed postures are insignificant, but when they happen within someone else’s boundaries, they send a powerful message that are especially salient to the person who has laid claimed to such boundaries. The owner of the property, wherever it might be, would much rather see cautious and reserved body language from those entering their boundaries as a signal of respect. No matter the result of the challenge, relaxed body language can help set the stage to achieve higher status. When the challenge is not met, the user of relaxed body language enjoys his “free lunch”, and with this comes freedom to choose and control future scenarios.

So far we have examined how relaxed body language can set up nonverbal power struggles between those of differing rank, however, they can also maintain power rank when used by higher status individuals in lower ranking person’s territory, or to tip the balance, when use by those in equal rank. To see those of equal rank struggle for power, carefully examine the body language of leaders when they meet. One of the best examples is when presidents and prime ministers, leaders of entire countries, meet and jockey for the upper hand. Which leader appears more at home, relaxed, calm and collected? Which one fidgets, or pulls at a collar, or tries to keep himself in the picture? You can learn a lot by how leaders act when confronted with those of equal status.

I have mentioned a few examples thus far depicting relaxed body postures such as slouching in a chair and tossing the legs up on a desk. They can also include leaning further back far in a chair, sitting deep inside a comfy sofa (versus sitting at the edge in a ready position) dangling an arm over the back of the chair, opening up the legs instead of crossing them, generally taking up more space and more open body positions. A particularly obvious territorial display of confidence, authority and ownership is achieved by spreading the finger tips on a desk carrying part of the body’s weight while standing hunched over it. Onlookers will respect that the desk is in full control of the person carrying this posture. If you want to know exactly how much trouble someone is going to give you, meaning just how authoritative they are, just watch for how wide they spread themselves out across a surface. For example, a store clerk might watch just how far the arms are splayed across the top of the counter. The more spread the arms, the more trouble is coming their way. We see this type of body language most often when there is a customer service issue where a sale failed to please. The gesture will be accompanied by verbal demands and displeasure.

Relaxed body postures are really all about spreading out, taking up more space and looking as if you own your environment so if your goal is to show ownership, picture yourself in your own domain, and transport this frame of mind wherever you happened to be.

Of course with this type of body language there needs to be a disclaimer about intent. Most people, especially high ranking people, are normally protective of their property (whatever this happens to be – their house, office or favourite chair) so usurping their stuff, has the potential to alienate them, which is why you really should consider what type of battle you are orchestrating. By extension, more submissive gestures can serve to help gain someone else’s trust and instill in them a desire to help, which can sometimes be a more effective way to achieve your goals.

Relaxed Body Language

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We relax when we don't feel an immediate threat.

We relax when we don’t feel an immediate threat.

Identifying relaxed body language helps us find people that belong, or that feel they belong, in a given situation. Those that are relaxed do so in environments they “own” and control and the higher is a persons’ status, the more diverse will be these environments, although situational novelty also plays a major role in comfort. Even low status people have a variety of locations in which they feel relaxed because being relaxed is a function of feeling that no threat is present and this is based largely on experience. Someone ridding a subway for the first time, for example, will be tensed and show rigid body postures like a coiled spring. They will be looking around at the subway signs and various indicators, and the people around them. It is impossible to be and look relaxed when the senses are on alert, when we’re keen to watch for signals of danger suspecting that all noises around us could indicate imminent danger. Someone that rides the subway daily won’t notice the signs and sounds around them, just like a highway driver zones out for the majority of the drive only to find out somehow he has arrived at his destination. Subway riders might even be so relaxed that they doze off on their route or become engrossed in a newspaper or magazine and miss their stop.

Relaxed body language is any body language that lacks muscle tension, the body is loose and the arms and legs move freely and naturally swaying with any motion. The torso may sag slightly to one side, or slump, but is not held by irregular tension. Thus, the body holds regular open body postures, with the arms and legs uncrossed. A leg might even be tucked under the body, to be sat on, showing that one is not prepared to leave and doesn’t expect to be caught off-guard. Breathing is steady and slow and can even become deep showing even more relaxation. Smiles happen in coordination with the eyes and the lips are not simply stretching across the face. The eyebrows are stable or move along with speech rather than frowning and the eyes gaze rather than stare and blink at a regular rate. The forehead will have no tension and we should watch for wrinkles which is an easy give-away to tension. Lines and wrinkles in the forehead quickly showing fear. Lastly, the skin colour is normal, not red showing embarrassment or anger, and isn’t pale with fear.

Reducing Body Size And Avoiding Conflict

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Reduction in body size can include anything from curling into a ball to pulling the arms in slightly to avoid detection. When we submit we show that we aren't a threat.

Reduction in body size can include anything from curling into a ball to pulling the arms in slightly to avoid detection. When we submit we show that we aren’t a threat.

There are cues that can eliminate, or significantly reduce the possibility of confrontation. These “readiness to submit” postures, are found in all animals where fighting could lead to injury or terminal harm. Unlike humans, animals in the natural world lack hospitals, doctors and medicine so conflict is risky, not to mention there might be very little upside to engaging in physical violence. Humans, while we can usually recover from some of the most violent physical altercations, still possess the same evolutionary hardwiring to avoid conflict when possible. Sometimes though, aggressive postures and hence posturing can be beneficial to thwart an attack as the opponent decides whether or not physical or verbal attack will bring them closer to their goals, or whether or not they target will make for an easy prey. Avoiding conflict can be done using submissive postures too, and an intelligent person will see that his pride will still remain intact. Submitting to others requires that a person realize that their interests are better served by achieving their goals, in this case staying injury free, rather than maintaining status.
To an instigator, the exact opposite goal is their motivation. They wish to torment and bully their way into positions of authority usually for the exact reason that they have no other skills at their disposal. The intelligent will use more sophisticated methods to win the arms race instead of physical violence.

Reduction in body size is a sure way to remain anonymous and melt into the background. Submission in this way includes; “sinking in the chair” or pulling the arms inward, pulling the shoulders down and rounding them, hunching in, pulling the chin in and pulling the legs or knees closer together. These positions would be classified as closed body postures, as are most submissive postures. Reducing body size is the exact opposite from what one would do to indicate dominance. Dominance is displayed by taking up more space, being loose and free flowing, pushing the chin out, broadening our shoulders and so forth. Remaining motionless and avoiding eye contact are other key features of a submissive posture. What all these cues have in common is that they give us a better chance of being overlooked as a threat, and help to repels attention from us.

Making the body small limits the potential of being hit and covers up vital areas of the body. In today’s age, it is uncommon to be physically attacked, but the mechanism by which we display can have a big impact on how people react physiologically to us. In other words, body language plays a big part in how other’s perceive us even if we don’t know them, and so we can influence them to our advantage even before a word is spoken. To avoid a speeding ticket, it has been shown that it is important to immediately admit to being at fault and to do so emphatically. This might be counterintuitive as most people think that admitting guilt is a sure way to get punished. However, denying culpability only serves to instigate the officer forcing him to stand his ground even further. The best stance to avoid a ticket, as we covered earlier, is to apologize, admit doing wrong, and incorporate submissive language such as head down and palms up. If you still receive a ticket, it will be much less severe.

Many sexual cues are submissive in nature - it evokes a protective response in men.

Many sexual cues are submissive in nature – it evokes a protective response in men.

The extremity of submissive language is being curled up in the fetal position, however as we get older, we find that these gestures are not acceptable so we abbreviate them. We might therefore take on a crouched position, bend our knees slightly to appear smaller, or pull a leg in and sit on it. Women can be seen hugging their knees by pulling them in. We can also take on “baby eyes” by widening the eyes and appearing more vulnerable. Women and young girls are particularly talented at this posture as anyone with daughters will no doubt admit. The vast majority of women’s sexual body language includes submissive gestures so some of them might appear during general submission. Woman might look up and lick their lips and keep them parted. Emotional tension created by submission can occur in either sex, such as a pale face, fidgeting, jerky movements, sweating, or displacement behaviours such as playing with the hair or rubbing the palms.

Introduction – Chapter 8

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Dominant and submissive gestures are polar opposites, both by definition, and in terms of the body language that is used to indicate it. For example, appearing larger by throwing an arm over the back of the chair and spreading the legs opened is dominant whereas appearing smaller by pulling the limbs inward or hunching the back is submissive. This phenomenon is a good rule of thumb so keep it in mind while reading this chapter and the people around you.

In this chapter we will cover an encyclopedia of signs and signals that display status. By the end you will see how dominance and submissiveness are a common theme in people. So much of what people do is as a direct consequence of an unevenly divided resource base and how we all fit into society’s hierarchy. Dominance and the body language that showcases it, is how we decide who has rights over whom without resorting to physical conflict. Naturally, this chapter also provides methods by which status can be artificially raised simply by employing suitable body language.

In this chapter we will cover, amongst many others, how our environment can be manipulated to gain the advantage such as the status achieved by the judge in his highchair, how relaxed body postures can show dominance, how the head talks even when our mouths are not moving, how the chair straddler is a coward, how women will appear easy if they spread their legs whereas men will appear more masculine, how tilting far back in the chair is dangerous and not just because you might fall, how having the hands on the hips means more than disapproval and how military men leave their bodies exposed to attack on purpose.

Breaking The Mold – How To ‘Close’ The ‘Closed’

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Handing someone a drink, papers, anything, can be an excellent way to open someone up for a sale.

Handing someone a drink, papers, anything, can be an excellent way to open someone up for a sale.

The research shows us that a significant amount of information is inhibited from reaching the brain when our bodies show closed body language. In one such study, two groups of students attended the same lecture. One group was instructed to hold their arms and legs crossed throughout, while the other received no such instructions. The group instructed to hold closed body language was found to have retained forty percent less information than the group that held open body language. The lecturer was also rated far more critically. Therefore, when presenting to someone with their arms crossed it is vitally important to use tactics that help them open up and drop negative cues. Not only will the retention of your message increase significantly, but so too will the probability that any agreement will take place.

It’s nearly impossible to formulate agreements with others who have their arms crossed or a myriad of other closed body postures. By simply opening your objective, they will be more receptive to your thoughts and ideas. This is why is it important, as closed body language arises, to immediately re-calibrate your tactics. If your target’s legs cross, have them stand up and move to the same side of the table to get a closer look at the material, or have them reach forward for something, forcing them to take a ready position with their bodies leaning toward you. If their arms are crossed, have them jot down notes on a piece of paper which you can express as being important for later, or have them examine a document which you can hand to them. You will want to carefully monitor their post position to see if after the item is discarded they return to their original closed body position. If they are adamant in keeping closed, they probably aren’t receiving the message to your favour.

Other ways to open people include handing them a cup of coffee, or glass of water, show them photographs of family or pets, handing them model cars or any other office artifact you might have noticed them examining with some interest. Handing them any object forces them to uncross their arms to reach for it thereby opening them. The object used isn’t vitally important, it just needs to be interesting enough to motivate them to reach for it. By doing a bit of research beforehand, you can probably find a mutual interest that can be exploited during the pitch to build rapport. This will prove especially useful if the meeting takes a turn for the worst. Being creative to re-open the conversation is an important tactic for everyone in business.

The Meaning Behind Arm Crossing

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Depending on the context, arm crossing might mean someone is physically cold - or emotionally cold.

Depending on the context, arm crossing might mean someone is physically cold – or emotionally cold.

Arms in the non-verbal world are shields. Folding the arms across the body is like cutting off access to our core that houses our vital organs, our heart and lungs. Just like putting up a shield, the arms protect us, not only from physical attack which can elicit closed body language, but it also protects us from unwanted outside views which we do not agree with. Therefore, having the arms across the chest can mean that either a physical threat or emotional threat is present. Arms crossed, in meeting or conversation means that the person is defensive, negative, uncertain and insecure and naturally, what is being asked of them will be met with disagreement.

An abbreviated arm cross where the hand seems to perform a necessary task. In reality, this person feels uncomfortable and is shielding themselves.

An abbreviated arm cross where the hand seems to perform a necessary task. In reality, this person feels uncomfortable and is shielding themselves.

Arm crossing happens much more frequently in public than anywhere else. We especially see it in elevators, when exposed to a large group that makes us uncomfortable or when pitched a bad deal from a door-to-door salesman. When in public, arm crossing is due to the stress of being in a novel environment rather than due to holding negative thoughts per se. Women who are unreceptive to a pick-up at a bar or club will also be found holding this posture so as to maintain their personal space and thwart sexual advances.

As you read body language, you will eventually come across someone that tries to convince you that their closed language is a function of comfort, as in it just feels right, rather than as a tell to some underlying stress. However, arm crossing is one of the gestures that proves the body language rule rather than disproves it. The research makes it clear though, that we adopt positions because there is an underlying emotion attached to it and that this is the reason which makes the position comfortable and rather than the other way around. Body language feels right when we express underlying feelings because it provides us with a release. Conversely, if we wish to avoid closed body postures, or any bad postures for that matter, we must first attack and cure the root source of the emotion and then open posture will come naturally.

Arm crossing takes up various forms too besides the recognizable full arm cross. The more evident and strong the arm crossing, the more seeded the action is in the mind of the person executing it. As body language senders we should always try to hold opened and honest body language as a default condition as it will yield the best results under most circumstances.

Here are some examples:

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BodyLanguageProjectCom - Body Raising Or Elevation 3

A hidden arm cross showing disagreement and withdrawal.

A masked arm cross.

A masked arm cross.

[ONE] Resting one arm straight out onto the table to the front and placing the opposite hand on the wrist or forearm of the other [images show other variations of this posture].

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The coffee cup barrier - even drinks can fudge as a shield. To look open with a drink, simply drop the drink to your side or set it down to leave your body open.

The coffee cup barrier – even drinks can fudge as a shield. To appear open, simply drop the drink to your side or set it down.

[TWO] Holding a drink in one hand with the arm perpendicular to the body (parallel to the table) with or without applying weight to the arm [image shows other variation of this posture].

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The 'figure four leg' lock - note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.

The ‘figure four leg’ lock – note the leg forms the 4 shape with hands locking it in.

Figure four leg lock.

Figure four leg lock.

[THREE] Crossing one leg over the knee of the other and holding the ankle to lock it in.

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A childhood throwback - making us feel held and protected.

A childhood throwback – making us feel held and protected.

It looks like the conversation is going well, but the arms are being gripped showing negative thoughts.

It looks like the conversation is going well, but the arms are being gripped showing negative thoughts.

[FOUR] Full self embrace where the arms are unlocked.

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A partial arm cross.

A partial arm cross.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Incomplete Arm Crossing Or Incomplete Crossed Arms 3

Replicating Mom holding our arm and protecting us.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Incomplete Arm Crossing Or Incomplete Crossed Arms 1

Another version of an arm cross for defense.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Crossing 3

Cutting off ventral access is a closed body position.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[FIVE] The opposite hand reaches over the body to grab the elbow or shoulder of the opposite arm.

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Covert insecurity.

Covert insecurity.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Incomplete Arm Crossing Or Incomplete Crossed Arms 4

It reminds us of Mom keeping us safe.

[SIX] Subtle arm crossing where the hand grabs the wrist of the opposite side.

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The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.

The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.

[SEVEN] The arm crosses and seems to serve a supportive role.

 

 

 

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Hand seems to alleviate an itch.

Hand seems to alleviate an itch.

[EIGHT] Hand seems to alleviate an itch.

 

 

 

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Good things are not on the horizon.

Good things are not on the horizon.

While most closed body language means that a negative attitude is present, context permitting, there exist varying degrees. For example, full arm crossing accompanied by expressionless faces, a tense, rigid, or hostile posture with limbs that appear frozen runs the gambit of rejection. Tentative closed body language where only some blocking is happening will show a semi-relaxed body language, possible boredom, a neutral face and moderate movement of the arms and hands. In the first case, where closed language is extreme, getting any kind of agreement is unlikely. The second set of postures says that there’s a possibility of forming an agreement. So rather than depicting “no”, some closed body language says “Maybe” or “I’ll think about it.”

The head titled at 45 degrees says that there's a chance to close this deal.

The head titled at 45 degrees says that there’s a chance to close this deal.

Opened and closed body language as we have seen is a matter of degree. Language that has no closed body positions says “yes” some closed means “maybe” and a lot means “no.” This is highly useful especially if you wish to sway a target. Men who wish to proposition women can read between the lines. If they see a half arm cross where one arm holds the elbow of the other, then he may still have a shot as she could just be timid. In this case, she is telling you that she is uneasy with your approach but might accept your proposal if you can present a better pitch. Because her mind isn’t completely made up it would be worthwhile to continue. But if she has a hostile expression, with arms tightly folded across her chest, with her head cocked to the side she probably isn’t willing to hear your pitch, so it would be a waste of time to continue. Reading negative body language can help us read employers as we look for pay raise, better deals on a watch or jewelry, getting permission from those in authority and generally gaining access to resources we ordinarily wouldn’t.

Be careful with the pressure you apply. You may be able to get a better deal from a used car salesmen, but when dealing with employees, an employer or a client, it’s probably best to keep body language open and inviting.