Tag Archive for Babies

Introduction – Chapter 15

Where we sit at a table or how we arrange our guests can influence the ability to form bonds and share information. Sometimes arriving to a table early helps, other times we end up at a disadvantage because those we wish to communicate with most end up sitting in locations that make them less accessible. Arriving midway through represents the best case scenario, but if you aren’t aware of the propensity to which people speak to one another, this will give you no advantage at all since you won’t know where to sit.

The most powerful people will almost always prefer to sit facing the entry because it allows them to see first hand who is entering and prevents them from sneaking up from behind. Likewise, we find that sitting on the inside at a restaurant allows us the best vantage because it puts everyone else in front of us and inhibits interruptions from those passing in isles. In this chapter we will learn that it’s best to avoid sitting side by side if possible, especially when trying to form a good impression or when trying to assess someone. Reading people is best done face-to-face but this raises a competitive head to head arrangement, as we shall see. We will also learn that our reasons for meeting will tell us how we should sit because, and what affect seating has on the outcome.

In this chapter we will cover seating arrangements and their effect. We will learn that how we sit indicates our reason for meeting, how rectangular tables and circular tables have trickle down leadership effects, how square tables can set up cooperation or confrontation, how leaders always choose to sit at the head of the table or will lose their status to he who does, and how we can change minds by boxing in our “object” with the right associates. Next we cover how offices should be set up, how artifacts aren’t just for decoration and how high-chairs aren’t for babies. We then learn about where to sit in an auditorium to be completely forgotten and where the keeners sit in class.

Suckling And Mouthing Body Language

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest - as if we have something to hide.

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest – as if we have something to hide.

The mouth and lips are full of nerve endings which, when stimulated, provides tactile gratification and comfort. However, anytime the fingers go to the mouth or play with the side of the mouth or lip, it’s a retrogressive action since the gesture is an attempt to regain the security they had as an infant suckling and mouthing. Nail biting is also a form of emotional body language, and when present, is usually habitual because of its origins. The habit which is highly unsightly screams “I am insecure” so should be eliminated from a person’s repertoire. These types of gestures are called “pacifying behaviours” because they are designed to reduce anxiety when exposed to something distressing. Pacifying language tells us the mind is not at ease and is an attempt to restore the body’ natural state. The ears, neck and nose are also areas people will hit when their minds require pacifying and they are covered next. Pacifying can also sometimes give up liars because they can be tied or linked to specific words uttered that then in turn require the body to be stroked to create comfort. Pacifying has everything to do with releasing bad tension as a substitute to the hand of a comforting mother.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while "babying" a thought.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while “babying” a thought.

While baby mouthing has no definitive explanation, it likely stems from the need to strengthen the muscles of the jaw and tongue and increase their coordination to better handle solid foods. Ancestral babies would not have had access to processed foods and the best they would have done was mouth to mouth transfers of masticated food, or food that was broken up by hand. These foods would have contained larger bits as well that might have caused less coordinated babies to choke. When babies first start eating solid foods, they need to balance the size and dryness of the foods with how much they need to mouth it, and yet it, so as to avoid moving it to the back of the throat too soon leading to gagging and vomiting. Poor mouth coordination tied with a mother who’s milk has gone dry too soon, and you have a baby facing early death. Mouthing, therefore, has a strong selective pressure, so today we find babies that mouth whatever they can, to get all the practice they can get. A secondary explanation to mouthing behaviour is that is serves as a way to test and explore objects with a sense that it more developed.

Hand to mouth actions are the most common target for auto touching. It might stem from the concern of giving up too much information, or letting a lie slip, or due to the need for reassurance. Covering the mouth is a natural reaction children do when they tell a secret or inadvertently say a word they know they shouldn’t. Speaking through the hand also shows insecurity and is found when uncomfortable people speak in public. They will hold an elbow on the table and wrap the forefinger around outside of the mouth as they speak.

Lip play.

Lip play.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Sucking on a pen

Sucking on a pen

Adults that are tense or anxious will play with their mouth or lip. Mouthing a pen, cigarette, piece of their own hair, and even gum when used as a comfort device, are a substitute for the mother’s breast and early childhood mouthing. Sucking, plucking, picking or chewing the lips, rubbing them with a finger or thumb are all forms of auto touching. Confident individuals would never consider using this type of security blanket, let alone be seen touching their faces out of insecurity.

Headshake For Negative Thoughts

The head shake signifies a negative thought indicator. It’s as if the person can’t get past an idea. Babies use the headshake as in innate gesture to signal to their mother that they’ve had enough milk by turning their head away. The head shake is different from the typical “no type gesture” in that the head is tilted from side-to-side instead of being pivoted back and forth used to signify “no” in various cultures by adults. We should be skeptical if the head shake is given while voicing specifically agreeable language such as “You make a good point.” or “That sounds like a great idea.” These words, accompanied by the head shake, negates whatever positive words were voiced. It tells us that they were either trying to pull a fast one on us, or just trying to appease us.