Tag Archive for Assertiveness

Power Sitting For Women – What To Do, What To Avoid

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Women in the workplace are always walking a thin line between their sexuality and authority. Women all know that their looks can be used to manipulate others around them, especially men, however physical attractiveness in the workplace has been repeatedly shown to lead others to dismiss women’s thoughts. However, one way women can combat this and still maintain their sexuality is as follows: sit with legs crossed leg over knee and have the high heel pointed horizontally at someone they wish to intimidate. Most dominant cues that work for men, such as the full body steeple, are ineffective when used by women. However, the heel is something men don’t have so it doesn’t come across as being a typically dominant male gesture. The heel acts like a dagger against its prey and neutralizes it. The posture shows assertiveness and that she is willing and able to emasculate men.

One sitting position women should particularly avoid is sitting with arms up and behind the head in the full steeple position as mentioned. This posture has the effect of putting the breasts on full display which counteracts any dominant aspects it might otherwise impart. Even having the legs crossed in the figure four looks odd when performed by women. A crotch display is not effective for women as it is for men, so it should be eliminated altogether. Hand steepling is another gender neutral dominance stance and can be used with effectiveness. Women want to pick up cues that suite their overall personality without putting people off. Assertive women often described as “bitchy” to others, usually because they take things too far. Women seeking powerful positions often think they need to go over-the-top because the fear being discounted. However, this isn’t so, and like men, need to balance being dominant and “mean” and demonstrating leadership qualities.

The Male Crotch Display

by  • March 6, 2013 • 17 Comments

The western version of the crotch display. Imagine this fella totally nude! Perhaps not attractive to women, but his assertiveness might be.

The western version of the crotch display. Imagine this fella totally nude! Perhaps not attractive to women, but his assertiveness might be.

There are a few postures that men use to display their prowess, but the jury is out as to whether or not women find them attractive per se. One of these postures is the cowboy posture which happens by placing the thumbs in a belt loop and aiming the remaining fingers toward the genitals. Interested women do tend to look at the crotch of men of interest, but performing the display might not make a man appear more sexually attractive.

The crotch display in action.

The crotch display in action.

A second version of the crotch display is to keep the legs spread open where the hand may be found on the inside of the thigh in a “ready position” or propped up on a knee. These signals are less of a sexual invitation than they are signal of their dominance over others in the room, which in and of itself makes them appear more attractive to women. New Guinea natives use what is called the penis sheath, also called koteka, horim or penis gourd to emphasis and draw attention to their genitals. It is usually made from a dried gourd and tied with a small loop around the scrotum with a secondary loop tied around the chest or abdomen and is worn without clothing. The penis sheath is usually tied in an upward position but some tribes position them to point straight out, up or at an angle. The penis sheath is an excellent example of sexually selected behaviour that came about through culture and serves to illustrate the power behind the male crotch display. What is done by western cultures is not much different if modesty and the clothing is stripped aside, so to speak. Western men use slight of hand through pointing and leg spreading to draw eyes, whereas the penis sheath draws attention to male prowess through a much more obvious and grand scale.

Micheal Jackson had no shortage of female fans and perhaps this was due to his frequent crotch grabs, although I suspect it has more to do with his deep pockets (or maybe his signing talent?). Men also draw attention to their crotch in other ways such as with their hands by motioning or placing a hand on the inner thigh, or re-orienting so the crotch faces the women directly. Men use subtle preening gestures such as fixing hair, straightening a tie or collar, or removing lint, but these aren’t as common when compared to women as sexual signals. This runs us full circle to our original though and that is that men display attractiveness through status and dominant indicators rather than any physical cue or posture. As it where though, some of men’s body positions can reveal this very characteristic.

What Does Thumbing Indicate?

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Exposed thumbs indicate high confidence. When we feel insecure we tuck our thumbs out of view.

Exposed thumbs indicate high confidence. When we feel insecure we tuck our thumbs out of view.

In Shakespeare’s Romen and Juliet, Capulet’s servant Sampson induces a fight by biting his thumb at Montague’s servant Abraham. This traditional Sicilian gesture is performed today by placing the thumb behind the upper incisors and flicking the thumb forward toward the person you wish to insult. The symbol means “To hell with you.” The thumbs down gesture would have meant death in Roman times for a gladiator, while the thumbs shooting off to the side is associated with a negative thought about someone we wish not to offer respect. It begins or ends a conversation such as “I told you about that guy over there (followed by thumbing in their direction) …he’s up to no good.” However, not all thumb gestures are negative as we see with the thumbs up gesture in western cultures.

BodyLanguageProjectCom - Thumb Displays Or Thumbing 4Thumb displays denote superiority and royalty has made them famous, but they have also been adopted by lawyers trying to seem noble and important. One way thumb displays happen is by placing all but the thumbs in the front pockets of a vest or suite jacket, or by knuckling the vest and leaving the thumbs out. Thumbs-up can also turn a timid interlaced fingers gesture into a positive thoughts gesture by flaring the thumbs up during conversation. Thumbs-out is a representation of ego, dominance, confidence, comfort, assertiveness and sometimes even aggressiveness. The thumbs out gesture is usually found in clusters with other dominant body language. For example, to denote superiority, the legs would also be spread apart, the chest puffed out to appear larger and the head held back, all the while glaring down the nose at any onlookers. The thumbs up gesture, wherever it happens, is a form of “gravity defying’ body language. This means that it is related to positive emotions since it requires energy to do and people that are depressed aren’t interested in burning energy especially wastefully.

We rarely see those with low status carry this posture, but if we do, we certainly will know something “important” about them! Sometimes our boss will be caught walking around his office holding this posture signifying his dominance, or at least his attempt at dominance. Men seeking the affection and attention of women will also sometimes carry thumbing postures, but they might downplay their dominant attitude by holding their hands in their back pockets so as to hide them. Another variation altogether includes flaunting the thumbs by placing them under the arm whilst folded. This last posture is a closed, yet dominant cue cluster. The crossed arms tell others that they are closed off from communication while the exposed thumbs reveal superiority.

The polar opposite to the thumb display is hidden thumbs which may happen by placing just the thumbs in front pockets with the remaining fingers outside. This posture says “I’m unsure of myself” and denotes extreme low confidence and low status. Hidden thumbs can be found when people are timid, insecure, or feel social discomfort and is a childhood throwback to when children stand in front of their parents looking disappointed and saddened.