Tag Archive for Anxiety

Eye Patterns In Lying

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Eyes that wont make contact or seem to dart around as if they are fabricating stories can give liars away.

Eyes that wont make contact or seem to dart around as if they are fabricating stories can give liars away.

Shifty eyes, where the eyes dart all over the room to focus on anything but someone else’s eyes, is habitually associated with lying. However, as we learned previously, most practiced liars hold gaze even more strongly than in normal situations. In a study that looked at seventy-five countries, it was found that avoidance of eye contact was named as a lying trait in every single one of them. It is also frequently named first as a tell, and was named by old and young people alike. This trend exists cross culturally, despite any supportive scientific findings. People will stereotype liars as having shifty posture, self touching, appear nervous, have broken speech and so forth, but it is the belief that “they can’t look you in the eye” that is first and foremost on the tongue of all human lie detectors throughout the world! I suppose it would be less fascinating if that trait actually did predict lying, but it doesn’t. It’s simply a widespread belief that is passed down from generation to generation.

With regards to the general public who hold strong ideas about what a liar looks like, be sure to avoid gaze avoidance! Looking away for long periods of time, especially while talking, shifty eyes as mentioned, or using “stammering eyes”, which is the action of keeping the eyes closed for prolonged periods of time have all been noted as giving liars away. Despite widespread beliefs about how liars refuse to look other people in the eye, there is little empirical evidence to suggest its truth. Gaze avoidance might be more closely associated with the intent of appearing more subordinate, or to reduce anxiety and intensity so as to diffuse the situation.

Shutting out the outside world with stammering eyes can be a strong turn-off to other people, as can eye gaze avoidance which is probably why people universally attribute bad eye language to dishonesty. Negative impressions can stem from poor eye contact, even coming from the most honest and trustworthy people especially when it is the desire of others to label someone a liar for their own interest or purpose. It is a well known fact that when people hold specific beliefs they discount information that disproves their ideas, and actively seek out information that support it, some of which doesn’t exist in ready made form. To the more astute, it will come as obvious that reading bad eye language can help us reduce the creation of false impressions about others. Just because someone has unusual eye patterns does not mean that a person is lying, but chances are good that if you use bad eye language, or see someone else use bad eye language, you and they will be classified as untrustworthy.

The final aspect related to eye language worth mentioning is pupil dilation. Under stress or arousal of any kind, the pupils expand so as to allow more light in. This can include stress and fear due to lying, or any other fearful situations for that matter, but does not discount the stimulus of seeing something particularly attractive, as this too causes pupil dilation. By placing a suspect in the hot seat it is possible to gauge what level of fear he has with regards to accusations because it eliminates the confusion that outside stimulus creates larger pupils. However, like all lying language, pupil dilation is due to stress, which can result from being put in the hot seat! It is the gauging of pupil size from baseline that tells us something useful. Talking about something neutral like what they did last week on a random day, then switching to something more questionable like whether or not the stole office supplies is a great way to measure pupil differences as well as other lying language.

While we expect a liar to be more stressful overall, this isn’t always the case as has been one of the reoccurring themes in this chapter. However, if we wish to fool others, or maintain our innocence in their eyes, we should try to remain relaxed thereby giving off few or no negative cues.

Touch Reduction

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Liars will usually avoid physical contact.

Liars will usually avoid physical contact.

Liars rarely touch others when they lie to them. This is a natural part of the fight or flight response and the subconscious mind won’t permit them to reach out because of it. This can prove helpful in intimate relationships, with family members or children since touching is a normal part of everyday life. Any form of touch reduction can signal that a person is at odds with another and that they might be hiding something. If touch isn’t normal, however, then measuring touch reduction won’t be possible. In this case, look for distancing behaviours instead like arm withdrawal or leaning away, especially in the torso as these are forms of distancing of which touch forms a subset. Touch is an aspect of closeness that is simply not tolerated well between those who have different ideas. Couples have even been shown to draw away from each other when they are generally unhappy with their relationship, and tend to touch themselves far more frequently than they touch other people.

Touch reduction is usually accompanied with stressful questions or when information is presented that creates anxiety. Closeness can also be useful when assessing someone because it will invoke distancing desires. When talking with a spouse or child, sit as close as that which you are accustomed to before taking up serious matters. If someone is hiding something, they will usually push away or even stand up looking for ways to exit or change the subject. Holding the hand of a child can be particularly useful when discussing matters of dishonesty. If they wish to exit the discussion, they will try to tug their hand away.

Deception Causes Arousal, Generally

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

While he COULD be lying, it's much more likely that he's actually anxious. We instinctively (and wrongfully) link anxiety with lying, when in fact good liars often feel no anxiety whatsoever when they lie, and honest people feel anxiety when they think they will be disbelieved.

While he COULD be lying, it’s much more likely that he’s actually anxious. We instinctively (and wrongfully) link anxiety with lying, when in fact good liars often feel no anxiety whatsoever when they lie, and honest people feel anxiety when they think they will be disbelieved.

It is a widely held belief that emotional arousal and stress, is strongly tied with lying. It is also at the heart of the polygraph or lie detector. Here, autonomic responses which happen in our bodies without our conscious control such as sweating or ‘skin conductivity’ is measured as well as increases in heart rate and breathing. It is assumed that when lies occur, stress related behaviours increase. Lie detector machines measure a baseline, that is, they take readings when lying is known to occur and compare it to readings when lying is thought to occur. By reading the differences, lying should become obvious.

We can use similar methods to read arousal without the help of the polygraph. Watching for an increase in adaptors, shifting, subtle movements, touching or scratching the face, neck or nose can show us that someone is uncomfortable. What it won’t show us is the reason for the discomfort. By grilling someone for the truth, this is often enough to cause someone to feel stress thereby creating the behaviour instead of uncovering it. Other clues to an increase in stress includes an increase in eye blinking, changes in posture, avoiding eye contact and foot and leg movement. It is important to always put fear of lying and arousal into context. Someone with little fear, little to gain or loose, or in other words, ‘when the stakes are low’ wont show any of these signals. Aside from this lack of tell, it is important to realize that body language cues, especially lying language is not a result directly of lying, but rather an indication of the stress, fear and anxiety that may or may not be present when lying.

The Ear Grabber

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief, as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief, as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing.”

The ear grab refers to a subconscious desire to “hear no evil” and is done by reaching up and pulling the ear in response to, either hearing something disagreeable, or saying something disagreeable. Children make no bones about blocking their ears when being teased or scolded by parents, but as we grow older, we drop the cue short because it is seen as juvenile, so instead we pull our ear, or earlobe. The gesture is an attempt at preventing the sounds from reaching a deeper part of the brain. It also sometimes represents anxiety and nervousness, and is classified as a defensive posture. We may see this gesture arise just as a performer is about to take the stage in front of thousands of people.

The ear grab can be use not only at the conclusion of the lies of others, but also at the conclusion of our own lies as well, and this is why it is referred to as a gesture that shows a desire to “hear no evil.” The gesture used at the conclusion of our own lies serves to reduce what is called “cognitive dissonance” which is the uncomfortable feeling that comes from holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. For example, a used car salesman might talk about the quality of a certain car, than pull on his ear lobe, or more subtly, he might be found rubbing the edge of the ear, indicating that what he has just said is untrue. In this case, cognitive dissonance stems from the telling of a lie which is inherently bad, while a person feels that they are inherently good (it might seem odd, but everyone feels they are inherently good, even murders justify their actions). So lie tellers bridge their bad thoughts due to cognitive dissonance with the ear grab, until they have time to justify the lie to themselves. Therefore, it is the pain of the dissonance that causes the ear grab in liars.

When ear grabbing is done while listening to others speak it is due to disbelief as in “I can’t believe what I’m hearing” and the same “hearing no evil” is at play. In this case though, it is the receiver, not the sender, who wishes not to hear the lie. By touching or scratching the ears we hope that we can satisfy the nerve endings and end the discomfort. In other words, when we hear bad things, we go to our ears to try to turn the volume down. Other times, touching the ear means nothing at all and is simply the result of nervousness or boredom.

Ears flush as a sign of stress - indicated by a tug on the lobe.

Ears flush as a sign of stress – indicated by a tug on the lobe.

The ears often flush red when people are nervous which can be the case when they are worried about getting caught in a lie. This is why the ear grab and flushing, can be great poker tells when people are stressed about bluffing. The ear grab is a way that our bodies respond to the extra stimulation they get when agitated and we go to them to scratch or pull on them as stress relievers. Think of the ear grab like rubbing sore muscles or massaging a stiff back, except in this case the damage done is internal and it’s due to something that has been heard, which “hurts” the ears. Anytime someone shows the desire to touch their ear means that they are thinking about hearing, and it will be up to you to tie them to context and decide what it is they are really saying.

Suckling And Mouthing Body Language

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest - as if we have something to hide.

Hand to mouth gestures comes off as dishonest – as if we have something to hide.

The mouth and lips are full of nerve endings which, when stimulated, provides tactile gratification and comfort. However, anytime the fingers go to the mouth or play with the side of the mouth or lip, it’s a retrogressive action since the gesture is an attempt to regain the security they had as an infant suckling and mouthing. Nail biting is also a form of emotional body language, and when present, is usually habitual because of its origins. The habit which is highly unsightly screams “I am insecure” so should be eliminated from a person’s repertoire. These types of gestures are called “pacifying behaviours” because they are designed to reduce anxiety when exposed to something distressing. Pacifying language tells us the mind is not at ease and is an attempt to restore the body’ natural state. The ears, neck and nose are also areas people will hit when their minds require pacifying and they are covered next. Pacifying can also sometimes give up liars because they can be tied or linked to specific words uttered that then in turn require the body to be stroked to create comfort. Pacifying has everything to do with releasing bad tension as a substitute to the hand of a comforting mother.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while "babying" a thought.

The arms of glasses can serve as a soother while “babying” a thought.

While baby mouthing has no definitive explanation, it likely stems from the need to strengthen the muscles of the jaw and tongue and increase their coordination to better handle solid foods. Ancestral babies would not have had access to processed foods and the best they would have done was mouth to mouth transfers of masticated food, or food that was broken up by hand. These foods would have contained larger bits as well that might have caused less coordinated babies to choke. When babies first start eating solid foods, they need to balance the size and dryness of the foods with how much they need to mouth it, and yet it, so as to avoid moving it to the back of the throat too soon leading to gagging and vomiting. Poor mouth coordination tied with a mother who’s milk has gone dry too soon, and you have a baby facing early death. Mouthing, therefore, has a strong selective pressure, so today we find babies that mouth whatever they can, to get all the practice they can get. A secondary explanation to mouthing behaviour is that is serves as a way to test and explore objects with a sense that it more developed.

Hand to mouth actions are the most common target for auto touching. It might stem from the concern of giving up too much information, or letting a lie slip, or due to the need for reassurance. Covering the mouth is a natural reaction children do when they tell a secret or inadvertently say a word they know they shouldn’t. Speaking through the hand also shows insecurity and is found when uncomfortable people speak in public. They will hold an elbow on the table and wrap the forefinger around outside of the mouth as they speak.

Lip play.

Lip play.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Hair tugging or stroking.

Sucking on a pen

Sucking on a pen

Adults that are tense or anxious will play with their mouth or lip. Mouthing a pen, cigarette, piece of their own hair, and even gum when used as a comfort device, are a substitute for the mother’s breast and early childhood mouthing. Sucking, plucking, picking or chewing the lips, rubbing them with a finger or thumb are all forms of auto touching. Confident individuals would never consider using this type of security blanket, let alone be seen touching their faces out of insecurity.

Clenching And Gripping

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort. The natural position for the hands is loose and relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions.

Fists into a ball is a classic expression of discomfort. The natural position for the hands is loose and relaxed, so when they ball-up, we know something is creating negative emotions.  A smile, in this case, indicates stress, not happiness.

Clenching and gripping are signals of frustration and restraint. They are very different then the relaxed palm in palm gesture discussed in a previous chapter. A classic gripping posture happens when the hand opposite reaches behind the back and grabs the wrist of the opposite arm. We know it shows frustration because it serves to relieve tension through gripping, an energy displacement mechanism, and serves to show restraint because the hand is gripping the arm in effort to prevent them from striking out against another person.

Gripping, especially intensely, helps us feel more relaxed because the pain releases pleasure hormones and adrenaline. The same could be achieved through more constructive mechanisms like running, exercise, or constructing something useful, but like all forms of body language, the solutions come from an archaic part of the brain through evolution (or accident), so we are not interested in doing constructive work at a time when our minds are dealing with stress. In other words, we just want a quick, immediate fix for the anxiety, and wringing the hands helps sooth and pacifies us without having to leave the area. Most minds deal poorly with stress and can’t function normally without dealing with the source, so the last thing we want to do is leave the area in which the problem has arisen without a solution. Wringing the hands is a gesture that is seen in people the world over. At times the fingers may become interlaced appearing as if in prayer, which might even be the case. Pressure can be so great that the fingers can even blanch as blood flow is impeded.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to 'cutting' also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Extreme anxiety causes the desire to control the pain by inflicting it against ourselves. It gives back our sense of control over our anxiety. People who resort to ‘cutting’ also seek to displace their anxiety and control it.

Pacing is a classic full-blown signal of anxiety, and falls into the same energy displacement category because it gives us something to do and burns extra calories in a trickle to make us feel more relaxed. Clenching and gripping are ways of signaling that a negative thought or emotion is being held back. A more intense hand gripping posture happens when the arm grips higher up near the elbow or upper arm. The higher the grip, the more frustration is present and the more self control is expressing. Clenching and gripping postures occur anytime stress and anger is present, such as waiting to see a doctor or dentist, awaiting bad news, or during conflict.

Another form of clenching that shows emotional restraint happens with the hands in a raised position instead of being hidden behind the back. This form of clenching appears as if the hands are being rung out by each other, as we would a wet article of clothing. Smiling does not negate the gesture either, and even alludes to a greater than normal tension. Smiles when accompanied by wringing, are called “stress smiles” or grimacing. The hands can be held in front of the face, resting on the desk or lap or when standing, in front of the crotch, but once again, the higher the clenching appears the more prevalent and obvious is the tension.

Hand wringing allows us to 'control' our pain and discomfort - it gives us an outlet.

Hand wringing allows us to ‘control’ our pain and discomfort – it gives us an outlet.

The hands and feet are key places to verify anxiety and will be the usual suspects in betraying emotions. They move easily and freely from the rest of the body and can be used to burn energy and release stress anxiety without requiring the body to move large distances. Because they can be moved independent of the body, they also tend to leak information more readily. Therefore, to read anxiety carefully watch for tapping toes or fingers, or feet that move frequently or never seem to find a comfortable position as well as any other repetitive behaviours. Foot movements will show more restraint than hand movements especially if someone is trying to hide their fears from others.

Jaw clenching.

Jaw clenching.

Clenching and gripping can have many other forms as well, including clenching the jaws tight or even talking through the teeth, cracking knuckles, pulling the hair or even plucking it, pinching one’s self, and clenching the fists by turning them into a ball. In my observations of other people, I have noticed some peculiar emotional behaviour that includes the grotesque such as squeezing pimples to plucking nose hairs to more damaging and extreme behaviours such as hitting the head and scratching called “self harm” but can include any other painful and repetitive behaviours serving to sooth emotional stress.

The more astute will notice tension from something so minor that most won’t even notice, and the carrier of which, will have no conscious awareness. That is, sitting in an awkward position, or rather, sitting in a less than fully relaxed position. This cue tells us that they won’t and can’t permit themselves to take on a more relaxed position because they should be doing something else more pressing or useful. Perhaps watching television isn’t of highest priority when one weighs the importance of a report or an essay for school, that the house needs tending to, or family time has been ignored. Notice a fully relaxed position for a person over time, and then note when they aren’t holding it, then you’ll know something isn’t right in their minds! Identify the pattern, call them out on it, and then look like a genious!

Chin Stroking And Tongue Protrusion

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

It's common for the hand to come to the chin when we're making up our minds.

It’s common for the hand to come to the chin when we’re making up our minds.

Chin stroking, is another evaluative gesture which was made popular by movies, television shows and cartoons. The cliché says that the chin scratcher is old, wise and is bearded! Beard or chin stroking signifies that the decision making process has begun, but that a conclusion hasn’t yet been reached. What follows the chin scratch tells us exactly what to expect, be it a positive or negative outcome. When prompted for a final decision,
if the hand comes down and across the body at right angles it tells us that a negative answer will follow, but if the hand comes forward and is placed on the thighs in a ready posture or the arms remains uncrossed the answer will be positive.

Without conscious awareness the tongue makes an appearance under deep concentration usually by being protruded to the side. Tongue protrusion is an evolutionary throwaway gesture thought to have arisen as food rejection mechanism by infants. When it happens in adults it means they are genuinely focused on their task and wish not to be bothered by others, hence the rejection root. The tongue can also be seen moistening the lips more often when under stress or anxiety as the mouth dries up, or can be moved back and forth across the lips as a pacifying behaviour to sooth while under stress.

Arm Gripping

by  • March 6, 2013 • 0 Comments

Arm gripping is a sign that someone feel insecure.

Arm gripping is a sign that someone feel insecure.

Arm gripping is an arm crossed posture whereby each arm grabs the arm opposite. The hidden meaning it indicates is tension, discomfort, anger or anxiety. This posture shows both negativity and restraint, meaning that a person is fully expecting to face a bad outcome and won’t relax until that news comes and at the same time are holding themselves back from truly expressing their feelings or lashing out. The arms grip each other so they won’t do something regretful. Those waiting for bad news, such as the results from a medical test, or the outcome of risky surgery on a loved one, will carry themselves in this way. Other times it happens as one waits for stressful events or appointments to commence such as seeing the dentist.

It is similar to other forms of self-hugging as it protects the body from exposure and provides comfort, but is also an extreme form of energy is displacement. The physical act of squeezing the arms, even to the point that circulation is cut off from the knuckles making them appear white, is a rudimentary form of mental therapy. Just like some people will run, exercise or do yoga, others will throw and break things to blow off steam. Self inflicted pain, such as arm gripping is no different, it just provides an easy, less destructive method to release nervous energy in measured quantities. Arm gripping isn’t always extreme and violent as sometimes it can go completely unnoticed and appear as simple arm crossing. What gives it away is that the hands wrap around the arms instead of resting on one side and tucked under the other.

Where Do Smiles Come From?

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The polite smile is used with people we only know in passing or not at all. The teeth are shown and the lips are curved upward modestly.

The polite smile is used with people we only know in passing or not at all. The teeth are shown and the lips are curved upward modestly.

Research on smiles has been a hot topic since its one of the facial features that is so prominent and important day-to-day. But what purpose do facial expressions serve overall if only to make others aware of our inner thoughts and feelings and perhaps betray us to our enemies? Surely our expressions could be used against us, for the benefit of others, especially given the fact that we often paint our faces with emotion easily and sometimes with abandon.

One theory says that facial expressions are a bit of a chicken and the egg type of situation where it is the expressions we make that in fact control our moods, rather than having our moods influence our expressions. In other words it might be that we give off facial expressions not because we feel happier, but because it helps us to feel happy. This implies that facial expressions are more gear to help those that hold them instead of those who view them and that smiling rather than indicate happiness actually creates happiness. Some of the research does tend to support this finding. When subjects were asked to fake smiles in research studies they tended to be more able to hold positive emotions rather than negative emotions so it seems that our minds are emotionally hardwired to mirror expressions that show up on our face.

We can see how a fearful expression might evolve into a full grin in this image.

We can see how a fearful expression might evolve into a full grin in this image.

Many biologists think smiles have roots as a fearful gesture, as a sort of “fear grin.”  Today though, human smiles are a universally submissive gesture but they can also symbolize pleasure, amusement, aggression, or anxiety (grimace). These other emotions never truly supersede the most common purpose of the smile which is to show submission. We will see this occur over and over again as it applies to smiling. Even pleasure must happen with or around people we feel we can submit to. Smiles are our way we to show that we are non-threatening and wish to maintain peace.

Chimpanzees, like humans have two common sets of smiles. One is a playful smile and the other is an aggressive smile. Humans, when aggressive, will display with a smile by pushing forward their lower lip and baring their lower teeth. This is turn induces either an appeasement or submissive smile in our counterparts or more aggressive body language possibly leading to a battle.

A genuine smile puts us at ease and builds trust.

A genuine smile puts us at ease and builds trust.

A friendly smile, on the other hand, occurs by pulling the corners of the mouth upward which may or may not include crow’s feet as we have seen. Those that lack smiles altogether or who smile infrequently are much more dominant and want to be seen as such. The grimace happens in situations where one is forced to talk or debate under a stressful situation. You will find that this sly face appears almost universally even though no pleasure is felt. The grimace is a disarming gesture meant to appease others, but it usually comes off as insincere and smug. We will see this face under high stress situations. To see this face authentically, pay close attention while watching courtroom television shows. Usually the defendant who is under stress will seem to beam with light from their teeth. The judge will often see him or her as being defiant, and often requests for them to remove their smug look whereas, in fact, no smugness is present at all. In this context a big smile is linked to stress from outside forces, and does not indicate either happiness or smugness. Regardless of the meaning of the specific smile, researchers have concluded that the smile is innate and not learned since even people born blind smile to display happiness.

When And How To Use The Eyebrow Flash

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Some recent research has shown that the eyebrow flash is most effective when it takes place between people who are already acquainted, but it can also be effective amongst potential suitors. Over a crowded room, the eyebrow flash can express interest and curiosity in someone of the opposite sex and can even make someone believe that you have already met and so create familiarity. That being the case, the eyebrow flash can also be taken as offensive, create anxiety or even hostility, and put people off if no natural attraction is present. Therefore, the eyebrow flash can be risky, but with someone with nothing to lose, can be neatly rewarded.

In a study by John Martin conducted in 1997 which he titled “Slaughtering a sacred cow: The eyebrow flash is not a universal social greeting” he found that the eyebrow flash was totally ineffective between strangers and sometimes even produced negative emotions. He found that people who were eye flashed keep more personal space between themselves and the flashers. The head nod and smile, he found, elicited a much better result, but a smile added to an eyebrow flash performed just as poorly. The eyebrow flash, however, was well received by those already acquainted to the flasher highlighting the importance of having a previous history with someone and reaffirming the likelihood that the greeting is a gesture amongst the familiar. Eyebrow flashes were also better received across the sexes then within the sexes. Therefore, it follows that a head nod and smile is appropriate for stranger, whereas an eyebrow flash is more effective to acquaintances.