Chapter 5 – Seeing Eye To Eye – A Look At The Language Of The Eye

Summary – Chapter 5

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It was all about the eyes in this chapter. We covered the friendly gaze where the eyes travel in a triangular pattern from eye to eye then to the mouth, the intimate gaze where the vast majority of time is spend looking at the eyes and mouth and the business gaze where eighty to ninety percent of the time is spent with direct eye contact and where the eyes never go below the neckline.

Next we covered how certain eye contact can be threatening, how to put your best side forward and how to avoid an attack by switching off the attack response. When looked at pupillometrics, or the study of pupil size in relation to emotion and we saw that larger pupils both signal attractiveness and interest. Having covered the basics it was time to put eye language into practice with the room encompassing glance, a clear signal of female interest, how blink rate can signal stress, an extended blink can be offputting and how the double wink can be sexy. Eye blocking was emphasized as a negative cue done to avoid harmful images or thoughts, and hit on eye flashes, eye widening and flashbulb eyes all carrying their own unique nonverbal message.

We found that by tilting the head at forty five degrees and looking upwards women can display the come-hither look invoking feelings of protectiveness in men. We also found that eye size was related to attractiveness and this was measured through research. Next we looked at shifty eyes and how they can predict stress, but not necessarily lying per se, looking askance to send “the look”, stealing looks and what it means, and how to properly address an audience through eye contact. NLP, we saw, refers to neuro-linguistic programming which is a system developed to induce behavioural changes and improve communication and derives its value by reaching for defined positive outcomes through identifying the roots by which thoughts affect images and sound or feelings. We then learned that NLP can help us predict things. For example, we saw that for most right-handed people, eye movement up and to the left is a signal of accessing a visual memory, movement up and right means that a person is trying to construct a visual image. Eyes either right or left, but still level, indicate an auditory process such as remembering sounds and words. Down and left indicate internal dialogue or self talk and down and right indicate a tactile or visceral feeling. When the eyes are straight ahead, unfocused or dilated they signal visual or any sensory information.

We also learned that there are three main ways in which people learn new information; auditory (spoken words) twenty five percent, kinesthetic (touch) forty percent and visual (images) thirty five percent. We also saw that eye direction has meaning where eyes focused straight ahead means passive receiving of information and eyes down means emotionally concentrating. From there we hit on appropriate eye contact during an interview and while communicating, the eyebrow and eye flash and what they mean and how they can be used.

The Eyebrows In Communication

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The eyebrow cock - something you said was interesting.

The eyebrow cock – something you said was interesting.

The eyebrows are very active in conversation. They can furrow to show anger or be turned inward and down to show disgust or a crucial view. Even still, the eyebrows can be raised fully to express surprise or be singly raised and lower to indicate suspicion. One eyebrow raised and the other level or neutral is a widespread sign of skepticism or displeasure and is called the eyebrow cock but if done subtly with a slightly cocked head and a cheeky smile means “interesting”.

Disappointingly, very few actors have control over their eyebrows, and if you don’t believe me just watch for yourself. I’m not sure they could use their faces very efficiently even if they tried, as the use of eyebrows is not something that is easily consciously controlled. I have noticed that female television news anchors will flash away during most of their reports but men won’t. This is also the case with male actors who favour control, presumably to appear more dominant especially in lead roles.

Placement, size, and shape of the eyebrows also portray different meaning. Lower eyebrows appear more dominant whereas high eyebrows make for a more subordinate yet perpetually surprised look. Eyebrows that are turned in near the outside of the face also called “medially downturned” make the face appear more concerned or empathetic. Bushy eyebrows signal dominance, and thin brows remind us of children so appear more neotenous whereas the uni-brow where the eyebrow forms one single brow across both eyes appears archaic, unsophisticated and un-groomed.

The eyebrows also have a language all to themselves. The eyebrow raise, where the eyebrows come straight up and then back down in one motion, happens in speech to emphasis certain words, to punctuate a point or in accompaniment with questions. The eyebrows raise can also appear as a request for approval when unsure how our thoughts stand with others, or can even be meant as a measure to verify if what we have said is being understood. In this case, the eyebrows will come up and pause for a second and seek some sort of gesture of approval such as a head nod or vocal agreement before being lowered. If there is no approval, then we might see the “eyebrow hold” which is akin to the shrugging of the shoulders, indicating a lack of knowledge or even helplessness. Politicians and children do this often when they seek approval, it says “So, what do you think, have I don’t a good job?”

Other times the eyebrows will move almost continuously throughout a conversation when we really want to impress someone, flirt with them, or act particularly animated. If eyebrows are raised with a slight tilt of the head at the end of the sentence it is to check to see if the message was understood but if it is done with a slow raise of the head, it means disapproval saying “What you have just said, surprises me”. Disapproval is even stronger if the head is lowered with the lips pursed tightly accompanied by raised eyebrows. This signals a desire to end communication altogether.

Catching People Who Fail To Recognize You

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It’s your twenty-five year class reunion and you’ve shed over thirty pounds and dropped your geeky look. From across the room you recognize an old crush so you make your way over. You give her an eyebrow flash at a few paces and she flashes back but then draws her brow into a wrinkle. She’s shown that she recognizes you, through the eyebrow flash, but isn’t sure how, hence the flexing of the grief muscle between the eyes.

When the eyebrow flash is done outside of a class reunion, it can be even more confusing because a person has many more variables to consider when trying to place you. Chance meetings happen all the time, but the further they happen from a context in which we expect, the more difficult it is to place people. Sometimes we get stuck hanging because we eyebrow flash and the person doesn’t flash us back. But even then, and usually subconsciously, their mind will begin to fire and they will automatically try to place you. In the meantime we naturally feel embarrassed for not being recognized, even though we haven’t verbally acknowledged them. Trying to start a conversation with an ex-classmate who hasn’t returned an eyebrow flash can be risky and embarrassing producing an awkward conversation. The eyebrow flash, therefore, is an excellent tool to help us avoid even more pronounced embarrassment than necessary. Simply put, if you don’t get a flash back, don’t bother starting a conversation because they don’t remember you!

When And How To Use The Eyebrow Flash

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Some recent research has shown that the eyebrow flash is most effective when it takes place between people who are already acquainted, but it can also be effective amongst potential suitors. Over a crowded room, the eyebrow flash can express interest and curiosity in someone of the opposite sex and can even make someone believe that you have already met and so create familiarity. That being the case, the eyebrow flash can also be taken as offensive, create anxiety or even hostility, and put people off if no natural attraction is present. Therefore, the eyebrow flash can be risky, but with someone with nothing to lose, can be neatly rewarded.

In a study by John Martin conducted in 1997 which he titled “Slaughtering a sacred cow: The eyebrow flash is not a universal social greeting” he found that the eyebrow flash was totally ineffective between strangers and sometimes even produced negative emotions. He found that people who were eye flashed keep more personal space between themselves and the flashers. The head nod and smile, he found, elicited a much better result, but a smile added to an eyebrow flash performed just as poorly. The eyebrow flash, however, was well received by those already acquainted to the flasher highlighting the importance of having a previous history with someone and reaffirming the likelihood that the greeting is a gesture amongst the familiar. Eyebrow flashes were also better received across the sexes then within the sexes. Therefore, it follows that a head nod and smile is appropriate for stranger, whereas an eyebrow flash is more effective to acquaintances.

Eyebrow Flash – The Social Greeting

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They eyebrow flash has been studied for decades most notably by German behavioural research scientist Eibl-Eibesfeldt. He found that the eyebrow flash is a universally recognized long distance social greeting. The only exception is in Japan where it is considered an overt sexual invitation and therefore inappropriate. For everyone else the eyebrow flash in a sort of nonverbal “Hello” or “Hey there, I know you”. The eyebrow flash happens very briefly and lasts only about one-sixth of a second. It is a quick raising and lowering of the eyebrows. The flash normally happens over a distance of between six to twelve feet by which dialogue can not easily occur, but of which, signals to another party that you have recognized them. The video of Fergie and Prince Andrew’s wedding provides a real life example of the eyebrow flash as she makes her way down the aisle.

The eyebrow flash could be a response to surprise, as if saying “Hey, I noticed you and am surprised, but also fearful because I’ve been taken off guard.” Therefore, the eyebrow flash sends the message that you aren’t a threat, since you’ve been taken by surprise. Another theory advanced says that the eyebrow flash draws attention to the face so that less ambiguous signals can be exchanged.

Research shows us that eyebrow flashes are infrequently used between individuals who are enduring strained relationships, so this can be used as a test. If you aren’t sure, try an eyebrow flashing on a colleague you’ve recently had a fight with. If the signal elicits a flash back then you have been forgiven, but if the flash is denied or you instead receive a dirty look then your transgressions are still at the forefront of their mind.

Eye contact between those in strained relationships is rigorously avoided under most circumstances, most likely so there is a reduced probability that the greeting extends to further unwanted interaction. We can therefore look at the eyebrow flash as a nonverbal conversation starter and lack thereof as a conversation avoider.

Eye Contact During A Job Interview

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Eye contact during an interview has been repeatedly found to have a powerful influence on the interviewer. Interviewees who hold good eye contact tend to receive more favourable hiring decisions, to be rated more positively and to be rated more suitable for jobs requiring self confidence.

The most appropriate types of eye contact in an interview have been shown through research to be about two to three second bursts of eye contact followed by looking away. Looking down continuously or avoiding eye contact altogether, or conversely, holding extended eye contact can all result in poor judgment. Continuous shifting of the eyes around the room can come off as dishonest and can make people think that you are expecting to be bust at anytime. For what, the interviewee doesn’t know, but he will remain suspicious nonetheless. Looking toward the door or appearing distracted by what is going on outside a window will only serve to demonstrate your lack of interest in the job position and negative feelings will be attached to you personally. Poor eye contact might also be taken by the interviewer personally and he may become offended. As interviewees, we must pay particular attention to good eye contact while listening and while speaking. Most of us are good at one, but not both, but being aware of our shortcomings is at least a good first step. So don’t dismiss good eye language in an interview and follow the patterns described above: two to three second bursts of eye contact followed by looking away.

Eye Contact In Business

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This isn't going well - she looks right through him.

This isn’t going well – she looks right through him.

Eye language is important in business as it can often be more indicative of intent then other body language. It can also significantly improve the chances of a sale at best, and at worst, can simply help convey better meaning and understanding. The most effective use of eye contact is in fleeting glances, which at first might seem counter-intuitive. However, prolonged eye contact can be seen as rude, untrustworthy, threatening or even aggressive. When seen in a client, it can mean that a sale is being resisted, where he or she is “staring” you down trying to find flaws in your sales pitch. Poor eye contact or prolonged periods of looking away can mean the reverse; indifference or outright disinterest. This is why brief glances followed by looking away, or at the material at hand, is most appropriate in a sale, and when done by a client, the best indication that a sales call is being well received.

The way eyes are positioned can give us indications of what a person is thinking. Generally, a person is passively receiving information if they are simply looking straight ahead and when conscientiously processing the information clients will look upward.

Here is a break-down for the complete set of eye movement patterns and what they mean as they relate to business:

1. Eyes focused straight ahead – passive receiving of information
2. Prolonged eye contact – threat and aggression or disinterest in sales pitch
3. Eyes to the right – message is being considered
4. Eyes to the left – person is relating to a past experience.
5. Eyes down – emotional concentration from an emotional thinker.
6. Extended looks away – desire to withdraw or vacate.
7. Eyes at ceiling – conscious analyzing.

By being aware of the manner in which the eyes focus, one can gauge the success or failure of the meeting, so as to either, remedy the pitch in the future or rework the meeting on the fly.

How People Learn

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Turn the music down, she's a visual learner!

Turn the music down, she’s a visual learner!

There are three main ways in which people process new information. They are auditory (spoken words), kinesthetic (touch) and visual (images). When presenting information it is important to identify which methods are most suitable because every person absorbs information in a different way and so prefers to learn through specific mediums. It is also important to realize your own unique tastes so you can satisfy your own needs and learn more effectively.

Auditory learners, those who learn primarily through spoken words make up about twenty five percent of the population. This group of people prefers to hear the information through oral presentation, lectures and speeches. Oral learners will be found playing music frequently, or will leave a television or radio in the background to stimulate them. Other oral learners will be distracted by sound so they instead run white noise machines or play nature or ocean sounds to sooth themselves. You can also identify auditory learners because they will say things like “That rings a bell”, “I hear you” or “That doesn’t sound right”.

Visual learners account for around thirty five percent of the population. They will prefer charts, maps, graphs, images and photographs. You can identify a visual learner because they will say things like “I can see that”, “I just don’t see how that’s possible” or “yes, I see, that makes perfect sense”. Obviously having at least some visual props will assist any presentation but if you are looking to impress a visual learner, the more the better.

Kinesthetic learners represent the remaining forty percent and they prefer to learn mainly by touch. They prefer to learn by doing rather than simply watching and so they take poorly to lecture situations and can exhibit a desire to move. They often want to take action before learning, and jump right in, so to speak. Kinesthetic learners can be restless or hyperactive when under-stimulated physically. These types of learner will prefer dioramas, physical models, role-playing, or reenactments. Kinesthetic learners prefer test driving ideas or building things as they learn about them. We can identify kinesthetic learners as they will often say things like “Let’s bounce that idea around”, “I can’t quite grasp that idea”, “I’m having trouble feeling that” or “Yeah I can warp my fingers around that one.” More often than not, people will learn through every channel, despite having a more preferred method. Therefore, to teach effectively, it’s important to use as many of the teaching techniques as possible, not only so you can involve the greatest percentage of people, but so that you can use more of everyone’s senses making a much more diverse and powerful presentation.

Using The Eye Trick To Predict Things

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What's she thinking?

What’s she thinking?

To apply the psychic NLP eye trick examine where people look as they attempt to recollect or express their thoughts. For most right-handed people, eye movement up and to the left is a signal that one is accessing a visual memory whereas movement up and right means that a person is trying to construct a visual image. Eyes either right or left, but still level, indicate an auditory process such as remembering sounds and words. Eyes down and left indicate internal dialogue or self talk, and down and right indicate a tactile or visceral feeling. When the eyes are straight ahead, unfocused or dilated, they signal that visual or sensory information is being accessed.

These eye patterns appear to be consistent for all right handed people throughout the world except for a few minor exceptions. Many left handed people though tend to reverse from left to right and access information opposite to right handed people. Therefore, they tend to look down and left to access feelings instead of up and left.

These patterns can provide us with information that have predictive powers. By watching and reading the eye direction of other people we can draw inferences about how they are accessing the information which can be particularly helpful when trying to determine their intentions. Lie detection comes first to mind, but we can also deduce how one is internalizing thought by what their eyes are doing. As it pertains to lying, for example, right and up (constructed visual) and right and level (constructed auditory) both show that a person is trying to create or imagine new details about something whereas left and up (visual remembered) and left and level (auditory remembered) indicating that a person is remembering something that had actually happened.

A word of caution though is that it is not all that easy to follow someone’s eyes and some of the expressions last just fractions of seconds. Not only this, but people can access multiple parts of their brain to recall the similar ideas. Some people also have habitual eye movements that have developed over time so a person that is highly visual might look up and left, or right, regardless of the type of question being asked. Someone who is kinesthetically oriented might look down and right all the time even in reference to a thought about music or sound. However, even these cues can give us indications of the
types of mind they have and therefore the type of person they are. By using eye gaze in NLP we can better tailor presentations to key in on more visual or auditory elements as required by our listeners.

Here is a list of questions to help determine what type of learner you are working with in order to better help you tailor information:

Eye Access Cues.

Eye Access Cues.

1) Visual Remembered: Think of the colour of your first bicycle. Think of the first person you saw as you entered the office this morning.
2) Visual Construction: Imagine what it would be like to fly. Imagine your dream home and pretend you are entering through the front door, what do you see?
3) Auditory Remembered: What was one of your most favourite things your parents have ever said to you? What types of sounds do you most enjoy?
4) Auditory Constructed: What would a rabbit sound like it if could talk? What would your boss say if he knew you were stealing office supplies?
5) Auditory Digital (Internal Self Talk): What does the sound of your inner voice make? What kind of dialogue happens when you think of your spouse and children? When do you find you talk to yourself the most?
6) Kinesthetic Remembered (Tactile and Emotional): Imagine what sandpaper feels like against your skin. Imagine what a cat feels like as you pet it. Think of a time in your life when you felt you had accomplished something that made you proud. When was the last time you were completely exhausted?
7) Kinesthetic Construction (Tactile and Emotional): Imagine the feeling of sand between your fingers that gradually turned sticky instead of rough. Imagine the feeling of helplessness turned into empowerment.

Eye Direction, Thought And NLP

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Eye movements are well known in neuro-linguistic programming abbreviated NLP, a system developed to help induce behavioural changes and improve communication between colleagues as well as to retrain thinking in business. It was developed in the 1970s by two researches in California, Richard Bandler and John Grinder who noted that the predominant research into human behaviour focused on problems rather than on solutions. NLP rather, focuses on the behaviour of successful people and is thought that by copying them, others too, can be successful. “Neuro” refers to the fives senses (hearing, touch, smell, sight, taste) “Linguistic” refers to the use of language to order thought and behaviour and “Programming” reflects the way ideas and thought are organized into actions. NLP is driven by defining positive outcomes, understanding how other’s perceive particular circumstances, and in identifying the roots by which thoughts affect images, sound or feelings.

It was discovered through experiment that eye movement is related to that part of the brain people where accessing. It began when researches noticed that the brain processed different information in different hemispheres. It was found that right handed people tended to shift their heads and eyes to the right during “left hemisphere” tasks such as logical and verbal processing and left handed people had entirely opposite patterns.

A typical left-handed person would have the opposite meanings for their eye-directions.  Therefore, people tended to look to the opposite sides of the brains for the answers. Eye movements in this way, is one of the most well known but also the most controversial discoveries of NLP. It might also be one of the most valuable. The researches attached electrodes to subjects to track eye movement and brain wave characteristics. They were then asked questions related to sight, hearing or feeling tasks that involved memory or right brain processing and mental construction or left brain processing. Eye movement was shown to be related to how people process information. For example, upward eye movements reflected visual processing, lateral eye movements reflected auditory processing and downward movements reflected either kinesthetic (touch) or an inner thought or feeling.