Author Archive for Chris Site Author

Hands On Hips

by  • March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

Strutting like a peacock. The hands draw attention to our manhood.

Strutting like a peacock. The hands draw attention to our manhood.

Having the hands on the hips or “arms akimbo” is to display like a peacock, even in people! It makes the body take up more space and hence appear larger so as to assert dominance. All the fingers also curl inward so that they point toward the crotch drawing attention in that direction which punctuates the point even further. The thumbs might also be tucked into the belt or into belt loops serving to “frame the genitals.” The message said is “There are issues here”, “Things are not right”, “I’m standing my ground” or “I’m a virile male so check me out!” Women can also be seen holding the posture although more rarely, and when they do, they will hold their hands on their hips and point their fingers to their buttocks. Pointing therefore, puts emphasis on our best assets while we state our case. Fingers pointed backwards as women do more often is a more inquisitive posture than an authoritarian one.

She's displeased and thinks you should know better.

She’s displeased and thinks you should know better.

Sexual dimorphism is a word used to describe the differences in form between males and females within the same species. In other animals, it includes horns and antlers, tusks, waddles, elaborate coloration and plumage, amongst many, many others. In humans, the dimorphism includes hairiness, perpetually swollen breasts versus muscular chests, square jaws and manly noses, internal versus external genitals, muscle mass differences, amount of fatty tissue, and hip to waste ratios (where the ratio produces an hour glass in women). In most cases, the differences between men and women are not very pronounced compared to many other animals. But when we do differ, men and women tend to display (exploit) their differences in effort to attract attention.

Like most of life’s endeavors, attention is competition based. We compete both against our own sex and for attention from the other sex. This seems like one in the same, but it is not. For example, appearing larger, heavier, taller or more muscular can serve to pique the interest of women, but also to repel nearby rivals. This is not to say that our species is cutthroat where everything boils down to competition. Instead, a large part of life involves cooperation. However, how would we know who best to cooperate with, if it wasn’t for their advantages in competition!

The hands on hips gesture is one of the ways men puff out to appear more dominant and attractive to the opposite sex and repel competition from the same sex. The cue cluster accompanying the hands-on-hips also includes an upright posture, chin up, chest out and the legs at slightly wider than shoulder width. The hands-on-hips is also a ready posture when it does not accompany more dominant cues in the cluster. In this case, it appears like a runner at the gate prepared to jump at an opportunity whatever it might be.

Territoriality and ownership is a part of the hands on hips gestures, just like placing a flag into the soil indicates a territorial line. Holding the body erect, planted, shows that the pieces of land on which we stands is ours. We occasionally see this posture in children too, as they assert their point to their adult counterparts. The referee at a sporting event will be seen holding ground with his hands on his hips as he’s met with protest from the team’s coach. He’s made a bad call, but instead of admitting it, of which let’s face it, he can’t, he instead says “I’m not going to leave, I’m the boss, what I say goes.” Meanwhile the coach will mirror this posture saying “I’m not going anywhere until I’m done doing what I came here for, so you are just going to hear me out.” Therefore the hands-on-hips body language also represents defiance. The abbreviation for the hands on hip gesture is to drop one hand, yet it remains just as potent. The other hand is usually busy gesturing more than colourful language.

Tilting Far Back In A Chair

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Titling in the chair is a casual and therefore dominant gesture and the further back one leans in the chair, the stronger the message of superiority. It comes has a similar root to the full body steeple as it creates distance from other’s showing detachment, and also a relaxed or informal attitude. When our boss’s perform this gesture, it can mean several things, he is indifferent to others and their ideas, he is simply adopting a relaxed position on the matter. Caution is order, as context and accompanying dialogue is necessary to verify exactly what this gesture means.

When children are seen doing this in response to being chastised for bad behaviour it is important to quickly correct it or the attitude can snowball. A simple way to fix it through nonverbal means is to encroach on their personal space or by taking a flank or a rear position. This will create uneasiness in them and force them to take a less relaxed authoritative body language stance and might even put them in a ready position with their hands on their knees in preparations to take action hopefully by resolving the issue or serving the punishment. When power plays are used by subordinate people, over time they gain authority, and the last thing you want to do is lose rank with your children as with it goes respect.

The Full Body Steeple

by  • March 5, 2013 • 2 Comments

The full steeple, sometimes called 'hooding' or the 'hooding effect' is a high confidence/dominance display.

The full steeple, sometimes called ‘hooding’ or the ‘hooding effect’ is a high confidence/dominance display.

The full body steeple occurs by placing both hands up and behind the head while seated. The postures is completed by combining it with the figure-four-leg cross which happens by placing the ankle of the opposite foot across the knee, or made even more dominant by leaving the legs splayed wide open. As we saw before, the figure-four-leg position is an abbreviated crotch display that builds status by drawing other’s attention to the midsection, while the arms behind the head posture shows arrogance because it openly exposes the body to attack. Remember that dominant people don’t worry about being attacked and often show this confidence by overexposing themselves and their vulnerable areas to challengers. The language of the crotch says that “I am safe in displaying because no one would dare try to attack me”. It also says “I have a big penis and I’m showing it off because I think yours is probably smaller”. To women, on the other hand, it’s an offering, as in “Here it is, come and get it”. Just like magicians use sleight of hand to draw attention to or away from the action, men use similar tricks to draw attention to areas they wish others to admire. Is it a mistake that men’s neckties are large pieces of cloth in the shape of an arrow? What does the arrow point to? Crotch emphasis, can and is done, with the help of pointed fingers, by wrapping the thumb around belt loops and dangling the remaining fingers in their vicinity or through a crotch adjustment. Baseball players are the world’s most prevalent crotch adjusters! I wonder if they’re trying to get at something.

High ranking women in the workplace might even been seen to carry dominant postures.

High ranking women in the workplace might even been seen to carry dominant postures.

The full body steeple can be used to intimidate others, or convey a relaxed, cocky disposition, but as always, body language needs to be taken in context. The accompanying dialogue will help tell us what is really going on. Professionals, such as lawyers, accountants, managers, bosses, and others that tend to take their superiority to higher levels than the rest of us, will be seen using the full body steeple.

To break a steepler, try opening them with honest gestures while leaning forward. Honest gestures might foster mirroring where they might drop their steeple, while leaning forward will put them on edge, especially if you near them in a feigned attack. The open, honest gestures, in your cue cluster will serve to confuse them. You may also try pulling back into a seated and relaxed position, in effect, joining them in their dominance. Avoiding eye contact to appear aloof by looking over their heads, or submitting to other’s in the room, will create an edge which is unsettling to those who wish to appear dominant. Remember, dominant people want to be in control at all times so any signal you create that leads them to believe that you are capable of acting independently will set them back. Another more diplomatic gesture is to hand them a sheet of paper or document forcing them to lean forward to take it. Standing over them is a more brazen technique and one that won’t necessarily yield favourable results. This type of encroachment onto territorial individuals is likely to instigate a confrontation. Mirroring the full body steeple gesture will probably have the most profound effect since you are displaying that you have equal status. This is certain to unnerve them.

The Leg Over The Chair

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Having one leg over the arm rest of a chair is a full on assault to the rest of his company. I use “his” because men are much more likely to use this posture than women. The posture shows aggression, dominance, ownership and an informal attitude. Ownership here can mean simply of the chair, but in a larger context it also means ownership of the situation as a whole, the ideas in the room, and even the people. The sitting position is so informal that it means that a person holding it, cares not about what anyone else thinks.

While, with friends this posture could be acceptable despite its offensiveness, it’s definitely not acceptable during an interview, in public, or when meeting important people. To send the proper message with our legs use a comfortable, yet proper sitting position which is a sign of respect for those around you. Either leave a slight gap between the legs, use the figure-four leg cross (for men only), or us the English style leg cross where the legs lie parallel one over the other. Women should almost universally cross their legs so they lie parallel, even if they are wearing pants but especially if they are not.

Leg Spreading

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

When leg spreading is overt, it can be a turn-off - especially in the workplace.

When leg spreading is overt, it can be a turn-off – especially in the workplace.

Another dominant gesture, where we put our manly prowess on display, women exempted, is the crotch display. The legs can be spread while sitting or standing and depending on the degree of separation and context, can mean different things. For example, legs spread at shoulder width while standing is a dominant and acceptable display. It is seen as normal and is encouraged because it comes across as confident rather than offensive. Having the legs spread wide open while seated is another story altogether. If it happens while directly facing others, it is perceived as arrogant.

Seated leg spreading is especially potent to female coworkers in an office setting, since they aren’t able to imitate the behaviour and retain any class. As a rebuke, women will taking on defensive postures such as arms crossed and legs crossed; this tells us that they are offended by the posture and see the body language as chauvinistic. Men can sometimes use this posture effectively to attract the attention of women, but only in so far as they appreciate the caveman approach. Therefore, the tactic can go both ways, but a small amount of leg spreading can be used to convey a positive middle ground. Having the legs tightly pressed together can sometimes appear even worse, since it conveys submissiveness or being too uptight.

The Chair Straddler

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

The chair straddler is a dominant, yet cowardly sitting position, because for one, the seating position requires one to spread their legs wide open exposing the genitals, and two, because symbolically it is as if they were holding a shield against their chest. Crotch displays are typical for dominant people, especially men. Women can also sometimes display authority in this fashion but if done improperly it appears like a sexual invitation rather than a dominance display. Figuratively, chair straddlers are spears throwers or arrows flingers as they toss words at others from behind their barricade. It might not always be the intention of the staddler to come across this way, so it is our duty as good body language readers, to reserve judgment until we catalog enough cues in clusters. For every rule there are always exceptions. The point here though, is that other people will judge us poorly if we become the person that straddles chairs. Certain dominant body language is acceptable, but this isn’t one of them.

If you find yourself (over) exposed to a straddler, there are a few ways to disarm him from his shield. The first is to change your seating location so that he no longer faces you directly, exposing his genitals. You can also stand up altogether and even move behind him making his posture totally ineffective. By moving behind him, his back will become exposed and unprotected, causing him to tense up. The height differences will also force him to try to remain more erect and upright, so to speak, causing him to feel uncomfortable and annoyed in short order. A proficient straddler will then turn his chair (and his member) to face you, and just like a real-life chess game the pieces move strategically. This brings about the third technique, which is to overcrowd his personal space by standing over him, being careful to continuing the conversation. If all these techniques fail, and in most cases they won’t, you can always call him out on his attitudes and body language. Like calling anyone out for any reason, this is risky and can easily backfire alienate him altogether. In extreme situations, you might see no risk at all since all you stand to lose is an arrogant acquaintance.

Head Back And Peering Over Glasses

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

You wouldn't mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.

You wouldn’t mess with this chick. Head back spells confidence and authority.

This head position prompts phrases such as “She looked down her nose at him in disapproval.” It is the classic eye-glass wearing domineering teacher or librarian look when a student has done something she does not approve of, so she stares him down. The gesture can be done by looking over the glasses or simply by looking down the bridge of the nose. The posture elicits a prey response in others because it puts them in an aggressive relationship with the predator peering down on them. Tilting the head back is a way to adjust the height levels between people because by doing so it raises the level of the eyes by a few inches. Looking down the nose is indicative of someone that is condescending or pushy and is an authoritarian posture but is also a gravity defying body language so shows confidence and positivity. It’s where the phrase “Keep your chin up” come from when we wish others to frame their outlook in a more constructive light. Conversely the chin down shows negativity and destructive thoughts such as judgement.

While the cue can be done without glasses, peering over them by slightly pulling them down as if to get a better view is even stronger. A friend of mine who is a photographer explained to me that he felt turned off by a client that habitually held this posture. For whatever reason, it was her natural tendency to tilt her head back and look down the bridge of her nose at the camera. Since the nose and chin move together they both signal the same sort of high confidence dominant signal. At the time he didn’t know why but was quick to have the model drop this posture because it didn’t feel right to him. I explained to him that he likely felt put off by the posture because it made her appear dominant and authoritative when he was likely looking for a coy pose instead. I was right after all. His reply “Why would anyone want to look at a domineering model peering down on her subjects?” He then explained that he wasn’t doing a stock photo for a fluff editorial, rather “She wanted to look attractive for her boyfriend!” We both found this amusing; he would have received an interesting surprise!

Head Tilted Interest

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Head tilt shows interest.

Head tilt shows interest.

The head tilted at forty-five degrees from the center line of the body indicates interest and intrigue. It says “I am receptive, comfortable, and friendly.” The head tilt is one of the very significant and prominent postures that everyone should be aware of, especially educators of any kind. A professor for example, can gauge his efficacy as an instructor by the degree to which his audience tilts their head. Head tilting is also very difficult to fake because our minds will resist the posture when we dislike what we are hearing or the people around us, making it a very honest and reliable gesture.

Head on, means passive listening for example, head slightly tilted shows moderate interest and head at its maximum forty-five degrees shows full immersion. A teacher might see variations across his audience, and also across the subject matter. Head tilting is not an all or nothing phenomenon. This makes it easy to measure the success of a presentation nonverbally and tweak it as necessary.

Dogs also tilt their head, usually by engaging them in human conversations, so the root of this mechanism could simply be the state of being confusion. The head tilt is also a submissive gesture as it exposes the neck making it vulnerable to attack. One of the more prominent courtship displays is the exposed neck, and when done by women, is particularly alluring. This is examined in a later chapter.

Head Lowered Judgment

by  • March 5, 2013 • 0 Comments

Head down means judgement.

Head down means judgement.

The head down shows a judgment or negative internal emotion. In fact, my son who is just nine months old, will pull his chin in and put his head down so that I can’t see his eyes when I instruct him not to touch the buttons on my desktop computer tower. He also smirks when he doesn’t want to internalize and obey me. Next, he raises his left arm (usually) to the back of his neck and either (short) grabs his ear or the hair at the side of his head, or reaches all the way and scratches the back of his neck showing restraint. I say short-grab because the real cue is the grab the back of the neck, but his arms, being a baby are short and inflexible. Scratching the back of the neck is like “holding yourself back” by the scruff of the neck. This cue cluster has been important for my wife and I as we ascertain what level of obedience we should expect based on whether or not he has actually internalized our instructions.

As with any head motion it is important to examine the adjoining clusters of body language to determine it’s true origins. For example, adding arm crossed to head down would signify more prominently that there was negativity present. Bending the head down, but looking up, can easily be confused with a lowered head yet means something totally different. The bent head means agreement, confirmation, or even shame.

Head Nod And Bobble

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The head nod in western cultures says agreement. In other cultures such as in Bulgaria and Sri Lanka it means disagreement, although from studies of the deaf and blind, it is apparent that this gesture is also innate. The nod used as a greeting, performed as a quick drop of the head, may stem from an abbreviated head bow. As we learned, lowering the body signifies a submissive posture, and so too does agreement. In Japan the head nod usually signals to the speaker that they are being heard and doesn’t necessarily indicate agreement. Thus, head nods are particularly specific to cultures so caution is important.

The head bobble, which is a side to side motion across an arc also means different things to different cultures. For example, in East Slavic it means disapproval and in India it means “okay”. In Bulgaria, India and Pakistan the head bobble means “yes.” Other gestures by the head can include the chin point, in the West, which is a slick way of pointing out other girls to your buddy without getting caught. Sometimes the chin point is used as a greeting between friends as an informal acknowledgement of each other’s presence. In Greece, Turkey and Arabic-speaking countries pulling the head back in a jerking motion signals “no” but in Ethiopia it actually means “yes.”