How To Reject Flirting Using Nonverbal And Verbal Tactics
Christopher Philip
Much research has centered, rightfully, on the nonverbal expressions during creative positive encounter such as during courtship and seduction. That being the case, however, little has been done in determining how we signal rejection and disinterest should one of these encounters go badly.
This may be particularly troublesome to women, but also to men whom may not recognize the signs. As such, he may continue to flirt not knowing that she has abandoned interest. Naturally, the converse situation can certainly exist where she continues to come on strongly and he lacks interest.
Researchers Alan Goodboy and Maria Brann devised an auditory study which questioned participants on the strategies they habitually use when they try to send someone a rejection signal.
The study found five main nonverbal behavioural strategies of rejection including:
1) Departure: Simply leaving the situation altogether which can be done in a nice way or suddenly.
2) Friendship Networks: Girls or guys will look out for one another and drag them away if they sense that something isn’t working out.
3) Cell-phone Usage: Turning on or checking the cellphone or flipping through it.
4) Ignoring: Inhibit counter-flirting or turn away if the other person persist in talking.
5) Facial Expressions: Give dirty looks or inhibit eye contact.
The study found four main verbal behavioural strategies of rejection including:
1) Significant Other: Citing that one has a boyfriend or is engaged.
2) Brief Response: Not answering or only provided short answers to questions.
3) Politeness: Talk to the person briefly without acting out or being mean.
4) Insults: Telling them that they are gross or to get away.
The results showed that men and women both tended to use their friendship networks. The women tended to use their networks as a means of escape whereas the men tended to defer the women to one of their male friends and so pass them along. As such the men said that they didn’t necessarily want the flirting women to leave since one of their friends may have been interested.
Additionally, men used ignoring far less often than women. Ignoring was a means for women to shut down communication entirely whereas men might have kept things going even if they were not romantically interested.
Not surprisingly, women also tended to reject flirting more often than men did and men were more tolerant of unwanted flirting than women. When women did not wish to flirt, they also reported a desire to end the flirting as quickly as possible whereas men were slower to close down flirtatious channels. However, when men were totally disinterested, they tended to be more overt and use insults whereas this was a minor strategy for women preferring to be more subtle.
The researchers also note that much of the variation in flirting has to do with individual rejection styles rather than gender differences.
Image Credit: Stephen McCulloch
Resources
Goodboy, Alan, K. and Maria Brann. Flirtation Rejection Strategies: Towards an Understanding of Communicative Disinterest in Flirting. The Quantitative Report. 2019. 15(2): 268-278.