Proximity, Shrinking Distances, Permission To Approach And Other Cues Of Female Sexual Interest – PART III

Christopher Philip


Proximity, Encroaching and Leaning In

The "fugitive."  She's trying to escape!

The “fugitive.” She’s trying to escape!

You can check to see if a woman is interested in you by simply moving away from her. The least conspicuous way of doing this is by taking a small step backwards while standing. If she closes the space between you, this is a good sign. You can also test this at a party by leaving altogether and seeing if she tracks you down. Interested women have a tendency to suddenly appear next to, or close to you. However, a better test is to ask her to wait in the same seat for you to return. The longer she is willing to wait for you and perhaps hold your seat, the more she is interested. If as soon as you get up, she leaves or moves to talk to someone else, you can bet that she isn’t all that interested and likely finds you replaceable.

If she invites a man to move closer than 18 inches then she is very interested in him. The 18-inch mark has been determined as the space most people define as intimate. Five feet, in contrast, is the casual space zone. Moving into someone’s intimate zone can be done in full by taking a step forward or partially by leaning in with just the upper torso while in conversation.


Torso Orientation

This torso isn't interested.

This torso isn’t interested.

Body orientation is a great barometer of our attraction or rejection of people. Like a plant turns its leaves to face the trajectory of the sun, our torsos also move toward desired stimuli and away from undesired stimuli.

In a dating context, once the intimate zone is neared, be sure to watch for torso orientation. If she turns her head away, but keeps her torso facing the man, she is showing mixed signals. In this case, her head is leaning back to create space, but since her torso is oriented toward rather than away, she’s showing some signs of warming up. If the head leans back, and also faces away, coupled with the torso oriented away, this can be taken as a reliable sign that she wishes to terminate the interaction and is committed to rejection. On the other hand, should she turn her torso and accept a full front-on orientation, it is a sign that intense intimacy is occurring.


The Room Encompassing Glance

Stealing a look.

Stealing a look.

A woman might look across the room in an encompassing glance. She will do so simply to assess the situation. She does this by casting her eyes around the room for 5 to 10 seconds. If she spots someone she is interested in (hopefully you) she will take a second look. This second glance is directed toward a specific man. It will be short and she will rotate her head 25 to 40 degrees to the side then look away (usually downward) within about 3 seconds. Women usually continue this behavior until they meet their target’s eyes. At this point, the target and the woman will hold a mutual gaze lasting about 3 seconds.

At times, a woman will look left or right after looking down. This still implies interest, but a looking down is important to signal submission. Women, like men, don’t like to be caught checking out other people because it is like showing their entire set of cards setting themselves up for failure, rejection or embarrassment. After eye contact is established and broken by looking down, watch for submissive cues to follow indicating that her arousal has grown. Catching the eyes of someone she finds attractive will make her nervous and insecure. This usually leads to preening gestures such as fixing the hair.

The normal sequence includes 1) Looking over and making eye contact 2) Eyes averted by looking down, or away, then down. 3) Perform a submissive cue such as bowing the forehead, giggling or blushing. 4) Preening gesture such as fixing the hair or adjusting the clothing (showing she is nervous and excited). 5) She will then return a glance within two minutes to verify the man’s interest and send him another hint that approach is welcome. Of course, this happens all out of the conscious awareness of the woman. In most cases, guys don’t fully clue into the significant of these events, or, because the risk is high, want to make sure she’s actually interested. If eye contact is not met and approach is not elicited, she will continue this sequence usually two or three more times.


The Tap

Tapping the forearm is a "come here" gesture.

Tapping the forearm is a “come here” gesture.

Available women will commonly do what is called the tap. It is performed by crossing the arms and then using the index finger to tap the forearm. A woman will usually do this as she scans the room. She may also perform this in accompaniment with the room encompassing glance. If she does this while looking at you, this can be taken as a desire for you to approach her and that such an approach would be welcome. The tap is like an abbreviated finger motion, as in, “come here.”


Showing Interest Through Leg Crossing

These legs show interest toward him, rather than toward the room.

These legs show interest toward him, rather than toward the room.

Interested women will cross their legs toward you. If a woman is standing, she will use her toes to signal by pointing them toward you. She may even extend a leg in your direction which is a way to shrink separation. If she crosses her legs at the ankle you will have to use other accompanying signs such as open body postures (palms up and uncrossed arms) to determine her interest. If she does not cross her legs at all, then look to see how much of her thigh is exposed. A great degree of thigh exposure is both sexy and a signal of interest. You might also look at how far apart her legs are, as leg spread is also an indicator of interest.

While sitting, women often cross their legs to display them and to appear more ladylike. The higher she crosses her leg over her thigh, the stronger her interest. She might also add in extra signals such as smiling, playing with her hair or grooming you. If she bounces her leg it might mean she is either bored or really excited. Women have been known to bring themselves to orgasm by tightly squeezing their legs together in a cross while massaging their clitoris with a bouncing leg.


Toe And Finger Pointing

The toe indicates the direction she would like to travel.

The toe indicates the direction she would like to travel.

When a woman is attracted to you, she may unconsciously point at you with her fingers, eyes, hands, arms, legs, feet, and toes. Pointing toward what we want and are thinking about is a very prominent activity in courtship. Women can also use their hands to point to different parts of their body emphasizing them. Women will use make-up for example, to “point” to their face, but they will also use their hands to touch and massage various parts of their body to showcase them. Looking is another form of pointing, and since women are normally much less forward than men, keep a close watch on her eyes to find out what she is really thinking about.

Overall, any motion a woman makes toward a man, such as an extended hand or foot, can be taken in some small way to mean interest. Generally if a woman breaks the mid-way barrier that exists between a man and herself, she is most likely interested. If she is really shy, however, she will only send her eyes with fleeting gazes. The more extroverted she is, the more obvious she will be with her body language. Gesticulation, which is the use of the hands in concert with conversation, often increases alongside interest. The hand will also tend to move toward their targets to bridge the gap in between.


Eye Flutter And Eye Contact – The Intimate Gaze

Women have been known to cop a gander.

Women have been known to cop a gander.

The eyes tell an intimate story when they flutter and make frequent eye contact. Interested women will gaze toward men they fancy every so often and give them a four second scan. A woman might also gaze toward the mouth while in conversation with a man. Subconsciously, it is because she is thinking about a kiss. If however, her eyes move across the room, or worse, toward the door, the man may have lost her interest. If her eyes drop to the floor then back up again to meet his within a few seconds to a minute, then he still has a chance. Downcast eyes followed by additional signals such as preening is a good indicator too. If eyes meet and she is interested she may deliver an eyebrow flash which consists of a sudden raise in her upper eyelids. The eyebrow flash is just that – a quick flash of the eyebrows just barely noticeable. Hollywood tends to over dramatize the eyebrow flash. It happens so quickly in real life that it is scarcely perceivable.

When a woman converses with a man, her eyes will continually move around. They will move from his face, to his eyes, to his mouth and then across the face again. Once flirting begins, the triangle the woman’s eyes follow becomes even bigger. The transition from eye to eye becomes even more intense.

Women are not immune to looking elsewhere however, such as the crotch and buttocks. Interested woman will do this even more so. Women frequently establish eye contact with those they admire, but will pay particular attention to the man’s mouth. We look at things we like and we look toward places we are interested in and are thinking about.

Overall, it is normal for a woman to examine a man differently than how a man examines a woman. Women will spend the vast majority of time looking at a man’s face, but will also look at his general build, clothing and accessories like watches, rings, and jewelry. This makes it important to maintain a kept appearance overall if you are to attract the entire imagination of a woman.


Eye Blink And Chewing Rate

If a woman likes a man she will exhibit a high rate of blinking. When we blink we add moisture to the eye with the help of tears allowing us to see better. This explains the reason for blinking more often during periods of attraction. We don’t want to miss a thing! This is just one possible explanation for a high blink rate though. High blink rates can also be attributed to dry air, stress, or any multitude of other reasons. For this to be an indication of attraction it is best to look at the full picture.

When men and woman are aroused they tend to take bigger mouthfuls and chew faster. This likely occurs because they are both nervous and excited. The eye blink rate may also increase in tow with chewing rate. These cues demonstrate an increased level of excitement.


“Accidental” And Purposeful Touching

He thinks she's being rude!

He thinks she’s being rude!

Whenever someone touches (not just as it relates to dating) it usually means that they want something. It could be anything from friendship, partnership, money, or as it pertains to a man and a woman, a sexual relationship. An interested woman will make a point to get closer to the men she covets. She may even get so close as to “accidentally” touch him. What she is trying to do is give him the idea that she is interested. Touching is often infrequent and almost always indicates interest especially when done on men, by women. “Accidental” touching can be one of the most basic and risk-free signs a woman can give. People have their pride at stake and want to risk as little as possible when it comes to vulnerable situations such as dating.

There are a variety of ways that women can initiate touching. She might tap your forearm, hold your hand, express an interest in a piece of your jewelry such as a ring or watch, touch your knee, fix your hair, force your hand onto her thigh or lap, play fight by bumping against you, tickle or grab your ribs playfully, slapping you on the back or give you a high five. She might also touch foot-to-foot, knee-to-knee playfully jostling such as went sitting, or touch you by forcing her breasts up against you to whisper, all of which occur “accidentally” (of course). However, all have the same effect. They signal interest.

Be watchful for multiple or repeated touching, or if she goes out of her way to touch, as these are strong signals of attraction.


The Hug Pat And Intimate Hugs

When the hug is full, hips-touching-hips and there is no patting, intimacy is growing.

When the hug is full, hips-touching-hips and there is no patting, intimacy is growing.

If at the end of the night you would like to know the degree of attraction your date feels toward you, if any at all, hug her. When friends and family ordinarily hug they do so by adding a pat to the back. However, when sexually interested people hug, they rarely pat. The more she pats, the more disinterested she is on an intimate level. What you are looking for is a firm hug, but not hard, with no patting. If you solicit a non-patting hug at the end of the date then you can be fairly certain that she is interested in a sexual relationship, and that she does not merely see you as a friend.

Also watch for hip-to-hip contact during the hug or lack thereof. For example, a shoulder-to-shoulder hug is a friendly hug. It is one whose participants indicate a desire to maintain space between their private areas. When the hips are pressed together, it shows a desire for increased intimacy.


Shallow Breathing, Panting And Flared Nostrils

Shallow breathing is a sign that a woman is activating her olfactory senses because she wants to take in the odor of the man she finds appealing. Shallow breathing often results in breath quickening, sometimes called hyperventilating. The tell-tale cue, besides audible breathing is flared nostrils. This happens totally involuntarily in a sexual situation. When sexually aroused, women will breath deeper and more frequently so as to take in more of the aroma of her partner. Various other sexual cues will accompany this panting such as increased proximity, eye contact, removing clothing to be more comfortable, preening, and so forth.


She Wants To Dance And The Ready Posture

A "ready posture."

A “ready posture.”

If she is dancing in her chair, she will probably dance with just about anyone who asks her. If she has a smile and looks to be enjoying the music or looking to the dance floor, take a chance and ask her to dance.

Another appeal to take motion is when someone has their hands on the front of their thighs near their knees in a sprinter position, called the “ready posture.” This indicates that the person is ready to leave. If the dialogue that accompanies the gesture is about changing locations, then you should feel confident that she intends to do so.

However, if her arms and legs are crossed, she is probably fairly content to stay where she is and is generally unreceptive. Once on the dance floor, women may begin to mirror your dance moves, which is another form of flirting. This is the same thing that occurs during mirroring and echoing. Want to tell if she is interested? Mirror her body movements while dancing. If she quickly changes to other movements, and avoids synchrony and eye contact, then she’s probably not sexually interested.


Echoing And Mirroring

Mirroring is the mating dance!

Mirroring is the mating dance!

When a woman is interested in a man she will copy the movements and gestures of the man she likes. This is called echoing and mirroring. An echo is when a body position is taken by a man, and a woman follows and adopts the same posture. This may happen some time after the posture has occurred – hence the name, echo. Mirroring on the other hand, occurs when a posture is adopted simultaneously by both people. If a woman really likes a man, she will develop complete synchrony with him – the mating dance.

When a woman mirrors a man, she will usually do so by only roughly adopting the same body position. When I say roughly, I mean that she will have some of the same characteristics of your posture but will throw in some of her own. If a woman is really interested she may fully mirror your posture. Full synchrony can take anywhere from 15 minutes to over 3 hours. You might also notice that the echoes can occur up to a minute later.

While standing, the typical sequence of events occurs as follows: a woman will begin by standing or sitting at a man’s side and will then gradually turn to face him. The more she faces him, the more interested she is. It might amaze you to see a couple that has been together for a long while as they may begin to move practically in synchrony, as if they were one person. They each drink at the same time or shift at the same time, or look away at the same time.

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