A Coy Flirtatious Smile And Eye Contact Leads To Shame Sex
Christopher Philip
A growing body of literature suggests that the inability to control sexual impulses that typify sexually compulsive individuals is rooted in feelings of shame.
Sexual compulsivity is believed to be related to a phobia of long-term relationships and the proximity that arises from it. It is thought to stem from poor early caregiver experiences which failed to offer the person with self-regulatory tools.
Adults with sexual compulsivity show deficits in emotional regulation which renders them vulnerable to negative mood states such as depression and anxiety. This can lead to higher sexual excitability and erotic activities.
Nevertheless, at the core of sexual compulsivity is feelings of shame. Shame evokes feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness. In order to resolve these feelings the sexually compulsive will undergo a reparative process.
In the current research, Raluca Petrican, Christopher Burris and Morris Moscovitch tested various effects on sexual compulsivity. They wished to discover if inducing negative shame emotional states, would evoke feelings consistent with those experiencing higher sexual compulsivity.
Participants were healthy “nonclinical” university students. In the first study, they were asked to report either a shameful experience from their past or a neutral one. In the second, the researchers cued gaze with the help of an animation that looked left and right (they wanted to see if those who reported on shame would be influenced on eye tracking). In the final experiment, the participants viewed either a neutral face or one with a flirtatious expression (a sidelong glance).
The participants were also measured on sexual compulsivity and “executive control.”
“Specifically,” say the researchers “we found that higher sexual compulsivity predicted significantly higher attractiveness ratings in response to relevant, erotically suggestive targets (i.e., opposite-sex flirtatious faces) after recalling a shame-evoking personal event but not a neutral event.”
An effect occurred for gaze cuing as well. When primed for shame, participants tracked the eyes of the animation much less than when not primed for shame (in the more sexually compulsive).
They caution us however.
“Although the present research offers experimental evidence that shame tends to evoke increased sexualization of erotically suggestive targets among higher sexual compulsivity individuals, the ensuing hedonic consequences and relationship to overt sexually compulsive behaviors remain open questions.”
To be gleaned from this study are two-factored. First, for those suffering from sexual compulsivity it should be noted that engaging in these forms of self-repair due to shame compounds. That is, while engaging in the “self repair,” of sex, this will induce even more shame only furthering the cyclical nature of the shame.
Second, the devious can manipulate these findings toward a more sinister end. As the sexually compulsive tend to use other people as objects toward self-repair, one can place themselves on the target end of such encounters. Simply by being conscious of the signals emitted by the sexually compulsive, as well as the triggers which tend to control him or her, will usually suffice. Priming for shame, while most would agree is entirely unethical, is a tool that can be wielded against the sexually compulsive.
What is unknown, but certainly supported by this research, is that even a healthy control population can be primed in this most devious ways.
Finally, nonverbal shame is something that can be noted early in an encounter and rather than use it for ill or personal gain, can be identified and corrected.
Resources
Petrican, Raluca; Christopher T. Burris and Morris Moscovitch. Shame, Sexual Compulsivity, and Eroticizing Flirtatious Others: An Experimental Study. Journal of Sex Research. 2019. 52(1), 98–109, 2019. DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2019.829796