Tag Archive for Listeners

Hand On The Chin For Evaluation Or Negative Thoughts

an eval

A classic evaluative gesture done by producing an “L” shape with the thumb and index fingers, but where the chin is not carrying any weight.

We can measure the level of interest or negativity our listeners have by how much pressure is held by the hand during conversation. Under average evaluative body language, the index finger is placed to the side of the head and only lightly supports the weight of the head, or the hands are left and placed on the table with palms up or uncrossed to the front of the body. When the hands touch the face and interest is present, the index and thumb will form an “L” shape and the chin is placed in the crux of the “L” but is not supported by it. Conversely, with genuine interest, the hand will barely touch the side of the face. In this case, the hand curls and the knuckles gently rests against the side of the face, and in other cases, the hand remains open with the finger tips of the index and middle finger gently resting on the cheek. As the listener becomes bored or tired, the hand will bear more and more of the weight and the body will seem to slump completely over the hand and be supported by it. As boredom sets in, the thumb will move under the chin to help the person hold their head even further, or the chin will seem to compress into the palm. When the index finger is found playing with or rubbing the corner of the eyes it indicates fatigue or disbelief as in “I can’t see that.” Movements to the eye like also serve to show negative thoughts and emotions. We should be careful to watch for them.

She's growing bored - we know because her "L" hand is taking on some the weight of her head.

She’s growing bored – we know because her “L” hand is taking on some the weight of her head.

Now she's checking out as the head is clearly being supported by the palm.

Now she’s checking out as the head is clearly being supported by the palm.

Seeing these cues develop tells us that it’s time to change the subject to revive interest, change locations to get the blood flowing again, or take a break to try to recover, and in extreme cases, throw in the towel and give up. Boredom is a negative thought indicator and the cues used to indicate it tell us that rapport is being lost between the listener and the speaker. Interested individuals inject themselves and their body completely into the conversation, rather than detaching themselves.

The Spear Throwing Pointer And Other Power Gestures

Pointing makes your message more poignant, but only because the receiver is being figuratively jabbed by your spear.

Pointing makes your message more poignant, but only because the receiver is being figuratively jabbed by your spear.

The pointer is akin to a spear thrower. Every time they thrust their finger forward it is as if they are jabbing their ideas into the kidneys of their audience. Alternately, the finger can be used rhythmically in an up and down motion seemingly beating down upon their opponent trying to create submission. The finger pointer makes his appearance during aggressive verbal fights where the accuser is making strong personal attacks against the other. Very negative emotions are attached to such actions so it’s best to avoid this gesturing. Finger pointing puts the reflection and responsibility onto the listener, and for this reason, they attach negative connotations to the speaker. It creates defensive feelings in the listener and as it persists these defensive feelings grow into aggression. Parents will often use the pointing finger to scold children but adults will be far less tolerant of other’s authority especially those of equal status so it is unwise to exercise this gesture with abandon. Even more pronounced than the finger spear is the hammer fist where the hand is made into a ball serving to repeatedly “hammer” the speech into the listeners. The hammer fist shows conviction and determination, where neither might be present. When the fingers are curled lightly not quite making a fist, the intent is to show mild power and a desire to be taken seriously but lacking the conviction found in the hammer fist.

This gesture comes across less threatening and is more suited to making a point to an audience.

The “politicians gesture” comes across less threatening, and is more suited to making a point to an audience.

An alternate, and abbreviated form of the pointing figure, is the thumb in hand gesture where the thumb lies against the index finger and where the remaining fingers form a ball. The hand then motions as if pointing, and in a rhythmic motion, emphasize points with conviction. The thumb in hand gestures is the “politicians gesture” since it is frequently used by various Presidents and world leaders. The thumb in hand gesture is much less offensive than the pointing finger, but can appear smug when done by those of lower status. Speakers might also use the “OK” gesture which is done by placing the thumb against the index finger forming an opening with the remaining fingers flared out.
The thumb in hand and the OK signal are considered to be more thought provoking and honest than finger pointing and takes the responsibility back from the listeners and places it back on the speech. The OK signal rotated so the fingers face the audience, with the thumb inward, is used when we want to show precision and delicacy. Without being careful with the OK gesture it can appear as uncertainty as is the case when the thumb and index finger come close, but don’t quite touch. In this case, the gesture is more useful when posing questions rather than making statements.

Additional gestures:

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It was this big!

It was this big!

[A] The measurer. The hands are moved parallel to one another and juggled up and down as if measuring an object. This signals a desire to project thoughts onto others.

 

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Accepting the audience.

Accepting the audience.

[B] The finger spreader. The hands are held out and finger splayed apart facing palm to the audience. This is an attempt to make contact with the entire audience.

 

 

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The "offerer" wants to give you his thoughts and just doesn't understand your point of view.

The “offerer” wants to give you his thoughts and just doesn’t understand your point of view.

[C] The offered. The hands are palm up as if giving a gift. This is a beggar’s plea where agreement is desperately sought from the audience.

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Connecting with the audience.

Accept me as I accept you.

[D] The hugger. The arms are made into a circle in front of the body with the palms facing inward toward the speaker. The speaker wishes for the audience to accept his way of thinking or in other cases, the speaker is trying to grasp his own hypothesis.

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[E] The traffic cop. The hands are placed palm up in a stop motion. The speaker wishes the audience to settle or calm so they can continue.

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The Types Of Laughs And Why Women Shouldn’t Snort And Grunt

Psychologist Jo-Anne Bachorowski of Vanderbilt University has discovered and tested various types of laughs. In the research, listeners rated their interest in meeting people with different sounding laughs. She found some interesting patterns. For example, “unvoiced laughs” such as snorts, grunt and pants rather than song like laughs such as the characteristics “ha, ha, ha” were seen as less attractive to both the opposite sex as well as the same sex. Unvoiced laughers, the snorters and grunters as mentioned, where the worse and even more poorly rated when done by women. However, women who had songlike laughs were rated as even more attractive.

The research shows us that the quality of the laugh is important in making us appear more or less attractive to others. Therefore, if interested in impressing others, use a more vocal song-like laugh rather than a panting or breathing laugh if male, and if female especially avoid snorting and grunting laughs.

The types of laughs:

High-pitched, song-like (male) 2

High-pitched, song-like (male)

High-pitched, song-like (female) 2

Unvoiced, snort-like and then cackle (male)

Unvoiced, snort-like (male)

Unvoiced, snort-like (female)

Unvoiced, snort-and then pant-like (male)

Unvoiced, grunt-like (male)

Unvoiced, grunt-like (female)

Song-like with notable pitch modulation (female)

Low-pitched, song-like (female)

Low-pitched, chuckle-like (male)

Long duration, song-like (female)

High-pitched, song-like (female)

 

Emblems, Illustrators, Affect Displays, Adaptors And Regulators

Gesticulating is the original form of communication between humans.

Gesticulating is the original form of communication between humans.

Gestures are used in speech to convey information more efficiently or to express attitudes or emotions and as a body language reader they give us clues as to the speakers mental framework from which they speak. Beneficial byproducts of gestures include making speech occur more smoothly and increased liking between speakers and listeners. In the following section we will cover “kinesics” which is the subclass of nonverbal body language that is related to movement. Kinesics is probably the most talked about and most common type of body language but also the most easily confused cross-culturally.

The first full length study on gesture was published in 1644 by John Bulwer. He catalogued dozens of gestures and produced a guide on how to increase clarity and eloquence in public speaking. Further research has shown that some gestures are universal and therefore have ubiquitous meaning across cultures, while others only have local meaning. Other gestures are context specific so mean one thing in one place and can mean something entirely different elsewhere. Pointing, made by extending the index finger and balling up the rest of the hand for example, is one of the gestures that has the same meaning everywhere, but the okay-sign made by touching the index finger to the thumb and flaring out the remaining fingers, as we shall see later, does not.

Some cultures also tend to gesture, called “gesticulation” when used in speech, more or less often than others. For example, Italians are known to use a lot of gestures in speech whereas the English tend to use gestures infrequently. The English culture, on the other hand, deems high rates of gesticulation as being impolite. The high gesture cultures include Hebrew, French and Spanish.

The more social way for us to use our hands is to use them in concert with what is being said, although taken to extremes like the Italians, or lack thereof like the English, can be counterproductive. A balance between the two, will be the best case. The hands and arms add to the dialogue and liven it. Keeping your hands to your sides or your arms crossed tightly might be comfortable, but those that use their hands moderately while speaking appear intelligent and honest when viewed by others. Universally, closed posture come off as negative and anti-social no matter what kinds of truths spoken or positive feelings intended by the speaker. This is why it’s so important to be conscious of our gestures because even if we aren’t, others will be. Whether or not others bring closed body language to consciousness, is not relevant. Our impressions are created in others passively with no active thinking.

The various gestures have been broken down into five categories: emblems, illustrators, affect displays, regulators which we cover next.