Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction And Sexual Body Language
Image 9508: Despite feeling a little bit awkward in front of the camera, Dave shows the proper body language. His feet are shoulder width apart or slightly greater than shoulder width, his hands are out of his pockets, and he is not using the bar or wall for support or comfort. He is saying that he is alright all by himself. The only thing missing in the photograph is someone to dialogue with. A buddy or group of women would definitely complete the picture.
Image 0420: This photograph illustrates how some feel in a novel environment. Mark’s face is tensed, his eyebrows are crunched up, and overall, he looks nervous. It’s plainly obvious that he isn’t comfortable at this location. He would be best to relax his posture and facial muscles. Women won’t take well to this look.
Image 0809: Touching the face, fidgeting or playing with your hands or clothing, is never good. Avoid these gestures as they make one seem uncomfortable and out of place.
Image 9469: In this photograph, Dave has the right idea but is using it on the wrong woman. He is comfortable enough to take up space with his body. His body is completely open and he is acting like a dominant man. His legs are wide, his arms are open, and his head is cocked. His gaze is all wrong however, as he is giving Scarlett far too much attention. He is also giving her the up-and-down which is a big turn off for women. In reality, Dave is putting Scarlett off because he is treating her like an object. Even though Scarlett isn’t directly looking at Dave, she is subconsciously aware of his glare. She avoids his eye contact altogether and if Dave continues to stare, she will most likely leave the area altogether. Her gaze might also be toward another man hoping to be rescued. If her gander was toward you, and if she added a 45 degree head turn then looked downward, you would be advised to steal her away.
Image 0798: This is a relaxed body position, but not a dominant one. Mark is using the bar for support and has his arms somewhat crossed. This is a fairly common posture for men who tend to end up as “wallflowers” for the majority of the night. Instead of holding this position for too long, he should move about the room and socialize with others.
Image 0305: Mark is displaying perfect body language here. He is relaxed, leaning back and away, with his legs slightly spread. He is showing that he has high value and is entertaining Julie with his conversation. Because he is leaning back, Julie is forced to lean forward to engage him, and because she is doing so, it’s a signal of interest. She is also playing with the stem of her glass which adds to her indicators of interest.
Image 8957: Something that stands out right away in this photograph is that Dave is covering his mouth and seems to be hiding something. His left hand is also pointed nearly palms up so he is trying to offer something in his speech. Far too often people in awkward situations speak with their hands up on their face, touching their face, or covering their mouth partially or completely. It gives everyone else a poor impression and makes one look out of place.
Image 0893: Mark is showing some good signs of opening up and this is causing Julie to open up as well. His palms are upward and gesturing and this has led Julie to start to play with her hair as a sign of interest. Mark is still showing a bit of timidity though with his legs crossed at the ankle. He’d be better served to have them separated at around shoulder width. Julie is still not completely open to his advances which is evident because she has her legs crossed and her arms are partially crossed as well.
Image 8942: Peek-a-boo can be played by either of the sexes. Parting hair a certain way or looking at someone of interest through hair can all create arousal. Menus and drinking glasses are no exception. It seems juvenile to think that this happens in grown adults, but it really does when two people fall in love with each other.
Image 0819: The head drop is performed when you use your head in a “come here” motion. It can be very powerful since it takes a fair amount of self confidence to pull off. For this to work, you will need to establish eye contact and be certain that she will be receptive to the request. It can also be done by using the finger in a come here motion.
Image 9583: By putting his hands in his belt, Dave is using a classic dominant body position. He has his thumbs hooked into his belt with the remainder of his fingers pointed downward, drawing attention to his crotch. Susceptible women will fall for this tactic by looking in this area. Scarlett has fallen for it and is definitely smitten with Dave.
Image 8964: Dave is doing a full steeple. It is a bridge formed with the fingers meeting at the fingertips. This body language says that he knows something that no one else does. It is a dominant position and you will often see people do this in business situations. It is generally not a good signal to give off in dating. The higher the steeple, the greater the affect it has in convincing people that you are smug or a “know-it-all,” even if just subconsciously. Some can even go so far as to look at people through their steeple as their elbows are propped up on a desk or table.
Image 8967: This is a half steeple and is more subtle than a full steeple. The sender of this message is saying that he isn’t quite as smug and doesn’t know quite as much as someone with a full steeple, but he still knows more than you. If you find yourself doing this, stop immediately and move onto more open and accepting body language such as palms up or neutral body language such as palms down but visible.
Image 8972: This is the most subtle form of steepling. It is a relaxed position and not as offensive to others as the full or half steeple. It is not an open body posture, but it is still fairly acceptable.
Image 1055: Because Mark’s arms are open instead of crossed, he is able to use them to appear larger and also to perform random touches. In this case, his arm is in a position for Julie to initiate touching as well. Julie’s focus is entirely on Mark, with eye contact and arms and legs uncrossed.
Image 9571: This is a very intimate handshake. In performing this handshake, Dave is pulling Scarlett into him slightly and Scarlett is cooperating nicely. She has an erect posture, her legs are open, and she even has her left hand reaching for her lap to steady herself so she can move into Dave even more. On a first introduction, things look good for Dave. If one is keen on the study of body language, they will also notice that she has puckered her lips, which is a signal that she may be interested in a kiss at some point throughout the night. Her eyes are also cast toward his face, and quite likely at his mouth, furthering the intimacy.
Image 9154: Dave is performing a really bad handshake which will set the tone for the next few minutes. His hand is loose and weak and his hand is turned over palm down. Normally palm down indicates superiority but in this case, since it is so loose, it does not.
Image 9159: This is a much better handshake. Both hands are vertical which indicates that each party is equal. Had Dave used either palm down (superiority) or palm up (inferiority) it wouldn’t come across as nicely for a first impression. Handshakes are best at about 5 seconds long, firm (not hard), and with a dry palm. To increase the intimacy, Dave might make the handshake last a little longer than normal.
Image 0492: Mark has overshot Julie’s boundaries by touching too soon. Touching, when unwelcome, is difficult to recover from, so it is best to allow the woman to indicate strong interest before initiating. Since her arms are crossed, they were more than likely crossed before Mark made his move. He should have known that touching her knee would only make matters worse. Since his advance, she has moved her head away in disgust. Mark would have been much better off to have moved to the same side of the table and made touching less forward and more incidental and perhaps only to emphasis a point.
Image 0496: In this situation, it is obvious that touching is welcome. Julie has offered to fix Mark’s collar. She still shows some reservation by continuing to lean backwards. Her gaze is toward his mouth, however, so that could mean she is thinking about a kiss but the rest of her body is holding back.
Image 0773: Mark is showing poor body posture by slouching, allowing his head to lead him and is hunched over.
Image 0777: Here is proper body posture. Mark’s head is up, back and level, his hands are to his side and are relaxed and curved upwards, his shoulder are back and his weight is evenly distributed across both feet.
Image 0978: Mark is playing hard to get and Julie is ramping up her intimacy. Mark is using his body position to eliminate Julie as the centre of attention. Julie is countering his body language by pushing herself up against him to reassert her position and make her interests obvious.
Image 0860: Mark is still closed off to Julie with his hands in his pockets, but she doesn’t seem to mind. Her body shows that she is still interested with her left leg pointed toward him. She is also leaning in with her head cocked to the side and her left arm extended toward him. Mark’s negative postures have served the purpose of inducing Julie to chase him.
Image 0349: Mark is playing the alpha male with his extremely open body posture. This position can sometimes be offensive to women, especially those not interested in dominant men. His body is taking up as much room as physically possible. His legs are spread with his left arm behind him and on the sofa opening himself up even further. If Mark was testing this position to verify its effectiveness, he should note that it has succeeded in securing Julie’s interest. She has her head cocked at 45 degrees showing interest and is playing with her hair.
Image 9522: Dave is demonstrating how not to hold your drink. Holding a drink at your chest is inadvertently showing a defensive position because it blocks the chest. It is akin to having your arms crossed. Scarlett’s body language is basically neutral, but she may be giving off signals of interest by touching her neck.
Image 9532: Dave is now showing the proper way to hold a drink. He is displaying an open body posture by lowering his drink to his side. He could also put his drink down every once in a while or permanently and use his wits to woo his mate.
Image 0368: Mark is playing a little game in this photograph. He is teasingly showing Julie disinterest, which is a test to see if she will reciprocate with additional cues of interest. By looking over his shoulder he is showing that she isn’t the center of attention. Julie is falling for the tactic by leaning toward Mark and extending her interest. Dating is a game of cat and mouse.
Image 0355: Mark is taking control with this open body posture. Julie is interested in Mark as she is leaning in and is playing with her hair.
Image 0315: Mark is showing great open male body language, but even so, could be losing Julie’s interest. Her head is turned away from him and she is guarding her body with her arms which is a closed body position. She is however, playing with her hair which could either be interest as it would be in grooming or disinterest if due to boredom. There are some mixed signals here, but for the most part disinterest is present.
Image 0380: This is another method Mark has used to force Julie to chase him instead of always being the one to chase. His legs are crossed away from Julie and his left arm is blocking his body from her. His arms are also up and open showing that he is honest and engaging. Julie is moving toward him with her right hand extended forward and is smiling. She is enjoying Mark’s story and hence his company.
Image 0431: Just as a dominant man can glide through a room, Mark is gliding through his motions. He is adjusting his sleeve but his motion is smooth and planned and he is showing that he is in control at all times. His movements aren’t erratic or unpredictable, they are deliberate. Even though Mark is doing something completely basic, Julie is giving him her undivided attention. Remember that the vast majority of what people say is non-verbal.
Image 0465: Julie is on display but is sending mixed signals. She has an erect posture showing interest but her left arm and leg are crossed away from Mark and she is looking away from him. It would seem as though she is either playing hard to get or is demonstrating that she has outclassed him and that he is not worthy of her attention. Mark is showing timidity by sitting on his hands and leaning away. He seems to only have the courage to admire her beauty.
Image 8993: Dave is missing the big picture here. He should ask Scarlett to dance as she is obviously enjoying the music by dancing in her chair. Because she hasn’t gotten up on her own, she is most likely waiting for Dave to ask her. Women are generally not the aggressors in a relationship. They will give hints and hope to have the man take the lead. Go for it Dave. Ask her to dance!
Image 9053: Here Scarlet has moved directly in front of Dave after approaching him. She is comfortable because she is directly facing him but still shows some timidity. This is evident because she is holding her hands and arms out and in front of herself. Dave has a great open body posture. His legs are open slightly and his arms are apart. His left hand is in fair proximity to Scarlett and could serve to escalate the intimacy with some fleeting touches.
Image 9139: Dave is striking out here again. He is trying to escalate intimacy by whispering. The only problem is that Scarlett is not interested and instead of leaning in to shrink the distance between them and actually hear what Dave is saying, she is leaning backwards giving off all sorts of indicators of disinterest. Scarlett will most likely resume her conversation with her other friends once she humours him with a false laugh.
Image 9440: Now Dave has Scarlett where he wants her. Dave is using his body language teasingly to block Scarlett out and is scanning the room as if she wasn’t the most important girl. He thinks she is, but he doesn’t make it obvious to her. Scarlett, on the other hand, is hook, line and sinker for Dave. She is leaning around him trying to regain his attention, has her arms open, and is even thrusting her chest forward into Dave. Dave has his hands out of his pockets showing that he is comfortable in his environment.
Image 9334: Dave is showing stern, proper, and authoritative body language. He is holding the typical military posture. It is also fairly negative, since his hands are hidden. A woman would prefer to see a man’s hands and for him to appear less rigid.
Image 9315: Dave is using body language to his advantage in this situation. His hands are out where people can see them and he is using them to emphasize points in his speech. His hands are also facing upward, which is an open posture showing both honesty and the desire to offer something. In this case, Dave is probably offering a story, but the hardwiring for body language is the same as if he were giving a gift or other tangible item. We can also see that Scarlett is taking well to his posture as she is showing a slight smile and eye contact. She is still a bit unsure of Dave though since her arms are serving to block herself off.
Image 9321: Dave is showing some very poor body language in this situation. His arms are crossed in a defensive manner. He would be advised to open his position up and display in such a fashion that was more open to the conversation and situation. While having one’s arms crossed may seem comfortable, one must also understand the reason that makes this so. Crossed arms form a protective barrier against outside ideas and people and creates a solid line between yourself and the rest of the world. This position might be acceptable for a tough boss, but it isn’t useful in dating.
Image 0564: Mark has waited too long to speak to Julie. Julie has closed herself off and because Mark waited so long his value in her eyes has been lowered. Some time ago, Julie has removed her hair to expose her neck and Mark missed the signal.
Image 0604: This form of touching can go dramatically in either direction. A woman’s arm around the shoulder could be a signal of friendship or a flirty and fleety display of affection.
Image 0755: Mark is showing a relaxed body posture. His arms are open and not fully supported by the bar. His feet are slightly apart and his right hand is hooked into his pocket rather than being totally hidden in a pocket. Julie is showing interest by extending her left arm toward Mark’s arm and pointing her toes inwards. She is also making eye contact. Mark is looking away and giving off negative body postures to establish himself as pursuit worthy.
Image 0858: Mark is showing a closed body position and this has forced Julie to become more aggressive toward him. She is trying to get more attention by touching his sides, probably trying to open up his posture. Her left foot is also pointed toward him meaning that her attention is all his.
Image 0793: This is showing poor body posture once again. Here Mark is leaning to one side by placing most of his weight on his right foot.
Image 1036: Mark is making his discomfort evident by playing with his hands.
Image 1048: Here, the attention is being put on a third party outside of the photograph.
Image 0986: Mark is hiding his hands, which is never a great body position. He should have his hands to his sides and visible. In this position, he comes across as having something to hide.
Image 9817: From Scarlett’s reaction it’s pretty obvious that she is being put off but still remains playful towards Dave’s advances. It’d be best, at this point, for him to back off a little. His point of interest has been made and now Dave should let Scarlett reciprocate interest without imposing further.
Image 9902: Lending a piece of clothing is a way for Dave to get close to Scarlett without actually touching her. It’s also a great way to score a phone number since he’ll need to be able to get it back from her at some point. Scarlett could also be testing Dave’s chivalry and therefore his interest in her, as she might not be cold at all. Sharing clothing can be a very intimate thing to do.
Image 9129: It’s a losing battle, Dave! Dave would have a much better shot at regaining or simply gaining Scarlett’s attention by standing up and circling to the front of her. He is showing that he is insecure by not leaving his post at the bar to make his approach. Even if he tapped her on the shoulder, I doubt he could secure her interest. No amount of “body groveling” will get her to move around and nobody responds well to a stiff jab in the back from a stranger, especially from a seemingly subordinate man.
Image 0518: Julie is taking control of the interaction by leaving. Mark is trying to regain her company. It looks like she has found someone more interesting to accompany her. By reaching for her in this way, Mark is lowering himself to her and will be forced to continue the chase indefinitely. He would be better off to approach her at a later time or wait for more signals of interest before continuing his pursuit.
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