As they become more passionate, the skin temperature of “hot people” really does get hot. This is in turn read correctly by their partner as an elevation in mood and intimacy. The hot tub therefore is a great way to artificially increase attraction via increased skin temperature. A warm sunny day can have the very same effect. Conversely, cold winter days can be a significant block in intimacy. In these circumstances, try cuddling up next to a warm wood fireplace.

Above: The announcers Greg Anthony and C-Webb have some fun with the “Ice Cream Guy” and his girlfriend using the telestrator. A funny nonverbal read if I’ve ever seen one!

Synopsis: A quick fact sheet on how to detect a liar. I talk much more on this topic in the chapter on lying in my book which you can see here (free, scroll right at bottom of each page): The Only Book On Body Language That Everybody Needs To Read (Chapter 16).

Part II (this one is better so I listed it first)

This body language tutorial covers: eye – dilation, eye contact, eyebrow raise, narrowed eyes, strong eye contact, sideways glances, lowered eyebrows, blink rate, eye dart, building initial rapport, eye access cues (eye direction), hands and handshakes (palm up, palm down and even handshake), proper handshake, handshakes and elbow touching, palm display (honesty), palms up gesturing, hand clenching (negative thoughts), wrist holding (self restraint), picking lint, hands folded, palm down authority, pointing (annoying), hand rubbing (receiving), quick and slow rubbing, steeple (confidence/arrogance), proper pointing, hands behind back, hands on hip, thumb language (up, hidden, out), arm crossing language, purse and barriers, leg language, feet point to where we want to go, how to open people with a drink (unlock), feet jiggling (wanting to exit), legs open (dominant), legs closed, stubborn language, ankle crossing, shielding, leg uncrossing for women (what it means), honest smiles, smile reciprocation, false smile, tight lipped smile, open smile, head down smile, laughing and yawning.

Part I

Watch for: “hair flick,” “eye contact,” “preening,” “eye pop (not always sexual),” “body orientation (ventral fronting)” and “toe pointing.”

Synopsis: “Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how “power posing” — standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident — can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.”

Link to Ted talks: http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are.html
Amy Cuddy bio: http://www.ted.com/speakers/amy_cuddy.html

You can suggest terms in the comments section or e-mail us directly and we’ll add it to our growing list. When you do write us, there’s no need to define the word yourself, unless you are into that sort of thing! So please enjoy the database and the images, and please help us spread the word. We always appreciate it when links to our pages are seeded across the Internet. No doubt, other people will find the information useful too!

Here is a link to the main page of the dictionary, enjoy.

http://www.bodylanguageproject.com/dictionary/

You’re kissing your girlfriend deeply and passionately, when suddenly you wonder: how did kissing begin?  Okay, okay, that’s probably the last thing you’d be wondering at that moment … but maybe you’re wondering now.  Well, in How Did Sex Begin?, R. Brasch goes into some of the views about the origin of this very intimate show of affection.  It is thought to have begun way back when there were just unicellular organisms.  The sexual union of these organisms involved the linking of their “mouths” in order to exchange hereditary nuclei. [Images: avoiding a kiss + puckering is a nonverbal kiss indicator]

The practice in humans is traced back to primitive times, when mothers premasticated food in their mouths before transferring it to the mouths of their babies by means of a “kiss.” From here, kissing developed into a show of familial affection.  But it wasn’t until the sixth century – in what is now France, not surprisingly – that society accepted kissing as a way for adults to express their love and affection for one another (And the rest, as they say, is kiss-story).  A more recent theory about the purpose of kissing suggests that it is a way of gauging your partner’s fidelity.  For instance, if you notice that your girlfriend isn’t kissing you as passionately as she used to, you might suspect that she’s been locking lips with someone else.  Even more telling would be the taste of someone else on her lips.  As for the appeal of kissing, Brasch suggests that it has to do with the fact that, of all parts of the body, only the mouth is able to taste and feel at the same time.  Also, he says, it recalls the nourishment of suckling at a mother’s breast.

If you want to learn more about body language in dating, be sure to check out the Ebook Body Language Project: Dating, Attraction and Sexual Body Language.

Christopher Philip

So I’ve been asked which mediums permit examining and studying body language best.  The clear answer is in everyday life.  Television, movies and still photos depict an interpretation of natural body language, it isn’t natural body language and it never will be.  In our books we take great pains to have the body language look natural and un-forced, but it’s still just an imitation of what we see in real life and a characterization of what I think body language looks like.

Sometimes when we shoot the images, the captions end up totally different from what we had originally intended for the photograph, simply for the reason that our models didn’t convey the feelings we requested of them.  It is of no fault to them, it is just that body language is so fluid and complex that it’s part of the nature of the business.  So instead of re-shooting the images, I just caption them to reflect what is actually depicted rather than what was first intended.  Even good actors who star in movies and on television will use “cartoonish” imitations of nonverbal language so they can be easily identified by the audience.  In other words, they exaggerate their expressions to suite the scene and ignore minor movements and microexpressions that flash across the face in seconds during real life situations.

(“real life” nonverbal communication)

When we shoot for the book, we can come close to a true depiction, but the thoughts and emotions that create the body language have to come from the subconscious to be totally honest.  However, once you’ve seen an example, even a rough one, of some contrived body language, it becomes a lot easier to spot the cues in real life because even real life depictions vary from person to person and within context.  Our minds have an excellent ability to categorize things and is able to do so remarkably fast, so putting open and closed body language or dominant and submissive postures into order is simple for most people.

Some sources of body language to sharpen your skills include courtroom shows and in a pinch shows like “Cops.”  These will help read lying body language and aggression indicators as well as some open and closed language.  However, even in these shows people understand that they are “on” so their fluidity changes drastically.  In the heat of the moment they will act more honestly, but once adrenaline subsides they will eye the video camera indicating that they know it’s there, which mutes what would come naturally.  If you have ever tried to videotape an infant doing something cute or coy, you know exactly what I mean.  Even small children become fascinated by an extra eye on them and begin to shift their focus almost immediately to the camera.  In television, you won’t get a huge variation in body language since people aren’t acting as they naturally would, rather they are acting as an actor would, and since all good actors follow scripts and take orders from similar types, all nonverbal language in the media appears similar.  In fact, I’m often surprised by how poorly the nonverbal messages are delivered and if actors are reading this, would encourage them to learn how to use, not just the noticeable cues, but the smaller (micro) ones too.

Watch people in real life, either from a distance or up close while interacting with them, as this is your best bet to really learn body language.

I remember back over a decade when I first started to learn about body language so I could get better results in dating!  I really wanted to learn how to read women better so it could help me read their minds.  While this position the matter was naive at best – since women still confuse me, I did learn a lot about reading people in general, so studying body language does serve a useful purpose!  Body language opened up a whole new world that still fascinates me to this day.

If you want to learn more about body language in dating, be sure to check out the Ebook The Body Language Project: The Only Book On Body Language That Everybody Needs to Read.

Christopher Philip

I have a tenant with a massive scary barking dog but I’ve learned how to defeat him with body language!  It’s much more common for children to get attacked by dogs than for adults primarily because they don’t understand how to avoid eye contact.  In other words, they haven’t learned to avert their eyes from an enemy, nor are they big enough to intimidate them.  To a dog, a child appears as both a threat because they make eye contact and as easy prey due to their size.  Eye contact can trigger an attack response in animals so when being confronted, you’re much better off to look down and away, instead of staring a beady-eyed dog or even a bear dead smack in their eyes.  Head down and away, shoulders brought in to appear smaller, with arms pulled in, are all ways to avoid setting off an attack response. These submissive postures apply for more than just animal attacks, they also apply to bosses who wish to reprimand, family who wish to start disputes, or thugs in bars looking for fisticuffs.

When I approach the doorway and the tenants aren’t home, the dog will bark and growl fearlessly which is the total opposite to what happens when the owners are home where he’s pleasant and even affectionate.  When the owners are home he will even follow me around and seek to be pet.  However, when they aren’t home and I need to tend to something, he barks persistently, growls and snarls preventing me from entering.  The more I intrude into the house, the more aggressive his posture becomes.  In the past, I’ve tried talking calmly to him, opening the door slowly and giving him treats, but nothing works.

One day though I decided to run a little nonverbal experiment when I needed to get in to do an inspection.  On all previous occasions I would tried to keep the dog in the house to prevent him from running away, but this time I decided to turn the tables and use the laws of territoriality to my advantage.  Instead of entering his territory, I instead invited him into mine.  That is, I asked him to first come outside, just by one step before entering his space.   I knew there was little risk of him taking off since I was just about to enter his space, if he permitted, so he would want to usher me in so as to protect his domain.  When I opened the storm door, he as usual, started barking and snarling, but then I opened the door even more and instead of encroaching on him, I pulled backward and gave him some space.  The dog took a few steps forward onto the patio then nudged up against my leg as he turned around and re-entered the house with me.  Because I respected the dog’s personal territory and followed the rules of territoriality, he not only permitted me to enter, but even welcomed me.  Once inside, his guard was let down and his aggressive actions subsided.

Can this type of body language work on aggression when found in people as well?  Try it for yourself.  Defeat aggressive neighbours by inviting them over for a drink and snacks and see how quickly their attitudes will change.  Using the right body language can also be useful to avoid fist fights at the pub and speeding tickets!  Read more in Body Language Project: The Only Book On Body Language That Everybody Needs To Read.

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