The Stages of Physical Intimacy

Christopher Philip

The following is very important. It is a progression that the average couple proceeds through from the first meeting to sex. I suggest you study it very carefully.

These are also steps couples undergo during courtship: (1) eye to body (2) eye to eye (3) voice to voice (4) hand to hand (5) arm to shoulder (6) arm to waist (7) mouth to mouth (8) hand to body (9) hand to head (10) hand to breast (11) mouth to breast (12) hand to genitals (13) mouth to genitals (14) genitals to genitals (Hickson, 1985 with some changes made). You must not necessarily follow this list exactly. This is merely added to give a general description of how things occur. I do, however, advise that you do not try to deviate too far from the schedule because if you do she will label you as rushing her. If you are to keep on the good side of a woman you are best to take things slowly. In addition, I do not advise that you skip too many steps. At best, move quickly through each step instead of avoiding steps altogether.

Do not deviate from it too much. If you do you will take her off guard. She might not even realize it at the time, but once her subconscious gets a hold of it later on, it will have a field day with it. She will not know why, but she will be really turned off by you. This also helps explain why women do not sleep with men on the first date. While you can often move quickly from step 1 (hand to hand) to 6 (arm to waist) you can not skip from step 1 to step 14 all at once. In fact, most women would rather take their time advancing from step to step. This allows them to establish a comfort level at each step. The next time you meet someone for the first time and she gives you all the right signals and you think she will probably sleep with you on the first date, remember you will often be skipping from step 1 (maybe) right to step 14! Skipping a few steps is possible but skipping 13 steps is not!

If you have progressed through steps 1 to 6 and are still in good shape, you will be looking for step 7, a kiss. She will signal to you that she wants you to kiss her by squeezing your hand. To test this, squeeze her hand gently while holding it. If she responds by squeezing back you can be fairly sure that she is interested in moving on. If however, she does not respond and keeps her hand relatively lifeless and limp then you are advised not to move on. If you wait a little longer she will surely give you the go ahead.

Now, for a little on step 10 which is hand to breast. A woman will normally allow a man to touch their breasts if her arms become less rigid against her body. That is, her arms will be let from her sides. If you offer to give her a back massage (a good tactic) and she does not hold her arms tightly to her sides, she is, in essence, telling you that it would be okay for you to touch her chest. This is not a rule. Take this only as tentative proof that she is willing to move on. If she says “no” but her body language is saying “yes”, then too bad you must not touch, you must respect the wishes of women.